Psyche's Journal
by Last Haven
Summary: In the style of the Royal Diaries. As a princess, it is Psyche's duty to help her kingdom, including tend to multitudes of suitors, hiding any unladylike talents, and be willing to be sacrificed to monsters. These are the recordings of her thoughts.
1. Second Month after the New Year

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**5****th**** day, evening**

While I am not a scholar, I am going to perform what father calls an "experiment"—I will not be trying to discover new things about or in the heavens above like some scholars, instead I shall test to see whether writing can help me get through my days. You see, ever since my second oldest sister's, Orual, marriage, I've been very lonely. Now both my sisters have left to join their husband's household and left me behind. Father assures me that writing down his thoughts helps him, so that is what I'm trying to do. It is very hard without Orual or Penelope, my oldest sister.

But I have forgotten myself, something mother takes me to task for most often—I am Psyche, youngest daughter to the king and queen. That makes me a princess. As a princess, my mother would be furious to know I can read and write. She says that potential husbands do not want learned brides because they cause trouble. So, to make sure she never finds this writing, I am careful to wipe away my writing after a few lines. I'm also careful to never let anyone catch me. If someone did, father and I would be in heaps of trouble.

Father was the one to teach me to write—when I was about to be born, everyone said I was a boy. Father was so disappointed I was born a girl but when I grew, I was really quite boyish. He encouraged it really, which made mother quite mad. He taught me how to write, I think, pretending I was a son and as a challenge to himself. He is the most excellent teacher I've ever had although the only other teachers I've had are sowing and music teachers. I think father would have preferred me to stay small and tomboyish forever, instead of growing up to be as pretty as I am.

That's not me boasting by the way. It's the simple truth—of all my family, I am the prettiest. My aunts and uncles and even my parents agree. I may be prettiest in the whole castle. My suitors claim that I'm prettiest not only in the whole city but the whole world. I have not met everyone in the city, let alone the world, so I wouldn't know.

That's another reason I write—my suitors. I have many of them; they come in great droves sometimes. I have more than my sisters combined, I think. Mother's happy about that at least. Father, I know, hates it, just like he hates anyone reminding him I've grown. But anyway, my suitors are quite troublesome at times—some of them claim I am prettier than Aphrodite herself! I think such talk is asking for trouble, so I always leave offerings for her at her temple here and pray often.

I wonder if such a great goddess even pays attention to my prayers. It would seem she has more important things to do than listen to me asking forgiveness for my suitors. However, the priests and priestesses all agree that the gods do, so I suppose I should not think on it too much.

For my first entry, I do believe that this is working! I do feel better, although I must erase this from my plate soon, lest someone finds it.

More tomorrow, perhaps.

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**7****th ****day, evening**

Ah, I did not get a chance to write until today—mother had me spend more time than usual with my suitors. She says I have to pay more attention to them, or else they'll leave without me for a bride. I spend most of my day with them already! Here is my schedule to show you:

Dawn-rise and join my parents for breakfast.

After Breakfast-Go and pray at the temple then meet my suitors for nearly three hours until my father sends for me.

Before Lunch-work with father on various things. Usually we just go for a ride with my mother, since this is father's midmorning break time. When mother is not here, I convince father to help me with my knife skills. You see, when I was young and my father still longed for a boy, he gave me a knife. It was very dull but I liked it anyway since he had etched butterfly designs into the leather. He never showed me how to use it until now. I told him with all my suitors, what if one of them got me by myself and tried to force himself on me? Father started working on it with me right away. You see, I am his favorite daughter—I feel terrible writing that, but it's true. He loves my sisters, but I was as close as it came to having a son. And I was the baby.

Lunch

After Noon-meet with my suitors again, this time for six whole hours! Orual or Penny, my nickname for her, never had to spend so much time with their suitors! Mother insists though.

Dinner and then the evening entertainment

Evening-I go to bed.

I hate having so many suitors. They are so troublesome and not a one in the lot seems really worth the time. But whether I love them or not doesn't matter. Most likely, mother and father will chose the most powerful one to make stronger ties to their kingdom. I don't mind, this is the duty of a princess. I have known that I will probably not love my husband at first since I was little and father explained it to me. I do hope they choose someone likable at least—mother and father are so happy, the only time they argue is over me, sadly; I wish I could end up happy like them.

Alas, it's probably never to be.

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**8****th ****day, morning**

I have some time to write now while the sky is pink enough to write by. Everyone but a few servants and the guards are asleep. No one will see me write.

I'm furious today—mother will make me spend more time with my suitors! I shall never have a moment to myself now. But really, I wouldn't put it past my mother to have thought of that bit—she is very nosey, my mother. She doesn't like it when things don't go to plan, so she's very manipulative at times and I

**Later**

A very close call! Mother was awake! She came in to wake me up and just barely knocked twice before opening the door. I quickly hid my tablet underneath the pillow I was sitting on since I was sitting at the window. I didn't get back to this until now when the sky is so dark. I write by the light of the moon.

Since I couldn't wipe away what I wrote, I reread it and realized I was very unfair to mother. I made her sound unreasonable and cruel, but she is not. She just wants the best for me, I know she does. But still, it makes me so mad at times!

I love her though, so I forgive her. Perhaps I will go to Demeter's temple tomorrow instead of Aphrodite and ask forgiveness for being ungrateful to my mother.

I hope no one read the entry.

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**9****th ****day, evening**

You have no idea how horrified I was today. Someone did read it—my father! Apparently a servant found it and mistook it for one of my father's and brought it to him! He read it and realized it was mine, then replaced it. He mentioned it to me during our break together this morning. I must not have hidden my horror because he was very gentle when he lectured me about being unthankful. I told him afterwards that I was very sorry to have written it and that I knew I was being unkind. We talked about it and he didn't give me any punishment since he saw I was sincere.

He asked how this experiment goes. Very good I told him, and it is. I don't feel as agitated as much anymore and it does feel a relief to put down my thoughts.

He grinned and winked at me. He told me to just be more careful about wiping away my words. I shall.

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**20****th ****day, evening**

For the nearly the last two weeks I haven't had a moment to write. My fingers itched to write but alas, with all the time I now spend with my suitors, I never have a moment to write. I'm writing now while my nursemaid, Ness as I call her, sleeps, by the light of the moon. I try very hard not to be ungrateful and unkind to my mother as I write but I'm so frustrated with my suitors. And they still won't stop this nonsense of me being prettier than Aphrodite. I spend so much time between Demeter's and Aphrodite's temples, I've mixed up the offerings twice now! I hope they're not offended.

Overall, there's very little to write to about. As much as I wish to write, nothing new or interesting happened.

**Second Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**27****th ****day, morning**

Once again, I could not find time to write for awhile. Still very little to write about really, although I feel compelled this morning to write about a dream I had a few nights ago. It was about an event from when I was very young, and our family took a trip to one of our vineyards not too far from our royal city.

You see, our kingdom is quite well known for its wine—the vineyards flourish here, so most of our farming is actually for wine but since the wine sells so well, it's not so bad that we import so many other crops. Anyway, I remember during one harvest going to one of our country estates and spending most of the time outdoors helping pick grapes. (Actually, my family or myself don't pick grapes usually, I was really just out there sneaking some. No one tried to stop me either.) One day I gorged myself on grapes and fell asleep in the shade. My family didn't realize I wasn't with them until later, after I returned to the estate.

But when I took my nap, I had a strange vision—I dreamed someone was taking my hair and tickling my face with the curls. I was very sleepy when I woke up but then I saw probably the most handsome man I've ever met. He gave me a very cheery grin and asked what a pretty little princess like me was doing asleep out in the open. It's quite often girls like me get kidnapped, so he had a good point.

I told him I ate too many good grapes and fell asleep. Then I offered him some. I was awake enough to remember that you're supposed to treat travelers kindly. Or at least I thought he was a traveler—he certainly wasn't from our estate at least. Well, he was quite pleased and told me he would trade me my basket for a gift. I agreed since I wanted to see the present. He gave me this wonderful reed flute that I still have, and taught me a few quick notes on it. Then he left and told me to go home, for my own good.

I did as he said since it was very good advice. In fact, it saved my life—you see, by the time I got back to the estate, it was storming heavily. The next day, I found the tree I was sleeping under—it was struck by lightning and burned to a cinder. That could have been me too, so I owe him my life.

A few months later, my parents took me to the temple of Dionysus and I made quite a scene when I told my parents that the statue was the very likeness of the man that saved my life. And so, here's the greatest secret of my life—I was saved by a god! The priests were entranced by my reed flute and wanted it badly but my father refused. It was the god's gift to me in the first place.

It's my great treasure.

In fact, I think I'll go find it and play it for a bit. My suitors can wait for a bit as I practice. Mother won't refuse me, in case she offends Dionysus.


	2. Third to Fourth Month after the New Year

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**3****rd ****day, morning**

The last time I wrote, I spoke of a dream about my childhood. Today I shall write about the dream I had last night.

It was more vivid than usual—all my dreams are vivid, but this one makes me wonder if it was real. Ness, my nursemaid, left yesterday to help her daughter-in-law with her lying in until her child is born, so I was alone in my room. This makes the next bit unexplainable—I woke to hear a gasp. I thought it was Ness, having a dream, but then I remembered her being gone so I sat up quickly to see who was there but all saw was someone jumping out my window!

I ran and checked my window but there was no one about, so I got back in bed and decided I dreamed it all.

In any matter, it was a very strange dream. I think I'll sleep with my dagger tonight, just in case. Mother would be furious if I don't tell her, but perhaps it would be better not to tell father. I don't need to worry him so.

On the suitor business, they've taken to tossing flowers wherever I walk. Honestly, I think this is getting ridiculous. I think I'll mention it to father during our break together this morning.

**Later that evening**

A strange finding—tiny drops of blood on my covers. It is not yet my time for my monthly cycles so I think a servant must have pricked their finger or something like that. I shan't tell mother, she'll harass all the servants until someone confesses. I'll just turn the blanket over and if she somehow sees the stains, I'll tell her I nicked myself sowing. Since sowing is the most ladylike thing I do, she won't fuss too much. Speaking of sowing, I must remember to finish my blanket I'm making at my new loom before Penny gives birth. Did I mention that before? I shall be an aunt! We're all ecstatic for her, me and mother most of all.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**5****th ****day, morning**

Lord Jason from our neighboring kingdom was one of my most likely suitors but now he has left! It is strange; he's been after my hand for nearly the beginning, when I was but a babe. He gave no reason faulting me, so I wasn't punished. Still, I'm a bit sad—Lord Jason was a favorite of mine. He at least had a sense of humor.

I forgot to say, Ness's son now has a son of his own! I'm quite happy for Ness who has been waiting for this for newly two years. The baby is healthy and so is the mother. I went with Ness to Demeter's temple and prayed for the continued good health of the mother and child, then over to Hera's to the health of the parents' marriage! I wouldn't worry; Ness's son and daughter-in-law love each other.

I hope I am as lucky with my husband and, yes, future children.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**7****th ****day, evening**

Something strange is happening—in the two days since I wrote, seven suitors have left. The rest still clamor for my attention so I am paying as much attention to them as ever but mother is beginning to worry. How can I help it if some of my suitors leave? Father, for one, is happy. He's been housing most of them so now he won't have to spend so much.

Nearly done with the blanket. Nothing else to write.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**11****th ****day, evening**

I no longer think something is wrong—I know something is wrong. More than half of my suitors have left! Mother is in hysterics and father is getting worried as well. They pour over the remaining suitors in desperation to pick the best before they all leave. They take their frustrations out on me although none of us can figure what's gone wrong. They, the suitors, just get up and leave. The last two left behind all their belongings in their haste!

I pray at Hera's temple twice as often and Aphrodite's as well, which I hate to admit I was neglecting to pray at.

I have so much free time; I have no idea what to do with myself. I've finished Penny's baby blanket. Started on a new one already. I play the reed flute much since it soothes me so. I would write more but there is nothing to write.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**15****th ****day, midday**

All my suitors are left. We are in a state of panic, and I don't just mean my family, I mean the whole kingdom! I need a husband still but not even the lowliest beggar seems to want me! Men used to stare at me in awe when I walked past, now they just stare blankly me at me, if at all! I never thought myself to be vain, but now I realize I feel lonely and ugly without my suitors praising my beauty all day. Is that not horrible? But a woman's beauty is her most prized asset when they are of my station. Noble men don't want wives smarter than them unless it helps the kingdom, they don't want ones that read or write, and certainly don't one that knows how to use a knife!

I studied myself carefully in a mirror and I see no change. I'm the same Psyche I've always been. Why do I now drive away my suitors? The priests think I have offended a god. That is the only thing I think that could be the cause but how?

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**18****th ****day, evening**

Father and mother are planning to visit the oracle near my sister, Penny. They'll leave me with her while they go to see her. Hopefully, the oracle will be able to tell them what to do to get my suitors back. While I don't care to have _all_ my suitors back, I'm excited to see Penny. I have missed her since she went to live with her husband. I do wish I could see the oracle too, but mother refuses. Oh, well. I just hope something can be done—I don't want to be a spinster all my life, like my aunt. They never found a husband in time and she became a bitter old woman.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**29****th ****day, evening**

We set a grueling pace, but we have arrived at Penny's home. My parents continue on in the morning, but for now everyone rests. I have never known the trips to move so fast. Usually we take two weeks or so to get here, but we made it here in a little over a week. I am exhausted; I hate to see how bad off everyone else will be since they must continue on for another few days. At the pace they're going though, they might make it there quicker. Ness did not come with us—she remains back at home, helping her son care for his wife and son.

Penny was excited to see us, but I was so tired, she put me to bed almost in an instant. Tomorrow she promises a proper celebration for me, but no one else but I and my servants shall be there!

Too tired to write more, I'll start again tomorrow.

**Third Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**29****th ****day, evening**

Penny was good to her word—we did celebrate. Her husband was also quite welcoming and gave me a gift. A kitten! In truth, it was Penny's old kitten, but the doctors all insist that she shouldn't be near cats, so it's a hand-me-down pet. I don't mind, she's such a charming little bundle of fluff. I shall call her Lotus, which is one of my favorite flowers. I gave them the baby blanket, which delighted Penny. I had put a boat design on it, which pleased her husband, who likes sailing. They're hoping for a boy, so this pleases them.

I told Penny of our problem and she does not see what is wrong with me either.

"You're as lovely as ever," she says in confusion constantly.

Penny's husband mentioned that he has a cousin or two that need a wife. I suppose if worse comes to worse, I can marry them. They wouldn't resist him, I think. I do hope the oracle can present my parents with a solution.

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**2****nd**** day, evening**

If they kept up the pace they were going, my parents must be with the oracle now. I pray that she can help us.

Penny does her best to distract me, she keeps me busy, and so I have very little time to write. I am glad my parents left me here—it's very hard to worry here with my sister. She's so fun and gay; she makes me forget my problems. Each day we go to plays or listen to poets and minstrels. Today we went sailing with her husband. I must say, I am fond of my brother-in-law; he and my sister are a good match. I must make time to pray to Hera for a good marriage for them.

That's all the time I have! Penny and her husband want me to entertain them with the reed flute. My brother-in-law marvels over it. He suggests I go to Dionysus's temple tomorrow to pray; maybe he will remember me and take pity. I hope so!

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**5****th**** day, morning**

I see the dust rising in the distance! It must be mother and father. Penny's husband says that they should be here before lunch. I hope they bring good news.

**Later that evening**

I trembled to write this but my parents did not return with good news: I have angered the gods. Aphrodite to be more exact. In truth, it was my suitors! I knew they would cause trouble, calling me lovelier than the Goddess of Love. And now they have. But maybe I'm also to blame—I never did tell them to stop, and I haven't been making as many offerings as I should. This is terrible!

From the oracle, they learned that Aphrodite was angered at me and that she wanted me punished. She means for me never to marry any man, but in truth a horrible monster! The oracle told my parents I must be taken to the mountains west of my home and left there for it, or else our kingdom shall be destroyed!

My father insists that he shall not let me die, but we all the truth—I shall be sacrificed for the good of the kingdom. This is the duty of princess—I must never put the empire in danger and I must do my best to benefit it. There is no other way.

Gods help me, I don't want to die!

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**9****th**** day, evening**

It is my birthday today, I turn 15. It is the grimmest, darkest one ever, I'm afraid. I have not spoken to anyone much; I know that if I do, I shall burst into tears, and I must be strong now. My mother has closeted herself in the rooms Penny gave her, father stomps around trying to think of some alternative. Penny tries to keep my spirits up, but she worries as well. Her husband was the only one to give me a gift on the day of my birth—a sharp, plain dagger. I thanked him.

Orual arrived yesterday in tears. She and I are closest in age and hearts. She is just as terrified as me and mother. We all know my time here is limited. I carry my birthday dagger with me everywhere and practice alone. If I must die, I shall leave a mark on this monster to remember me by!

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**10****th**** day, evening**

The days pass by very slowly. We return home. The oracle said I have to be sacrificed before the next new moon. That leaves eighteen days to spend with my family. Penny and Orual came with us, but Penny's husband, like Orual's, remained home.

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**19****th**** day, evening**

Made it home this evening. I felt like I was part of a funeral procession all the way here. I gave Ness my kitten, Lotus. She will keep it until it's grown up enough to give to her grandson to have.

Nine more days left. I don't want my last days to be sad and dark but I am so afraid!

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**21****st**** day, evening**

Ness brought her grandson to me. He has black wisps of hair on his little head. He was so happy to see me, I had to smile, my first in weeks.

I wish I could have been a mother. I would have liked to have had a little girl or boy.

Seven more days left.

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**25****th**** day, after midnight**

With only four more days left, I awoke barely ten minutes ago. I had a vision I think, or a revelation at least. I lit a candle, I don't care if I wake Ness up and she tattles on me for writing to mother.

My revelation is this—I shall die. I mean, I already knew this, but I mean I shall die just sooner than I thought. This is not a terrible tragedy really. My family has all lost people early, life is very fragile. But just because I die now, instead of later, does not mean I should act like I have already died

Ah, I did wake up Ness. I should apologize first and tell her my revelation.

**Later that evening**

When I told Ness, she cried. You see, Ness and I have always been close. She said she had always thought she would die first, not the other way around. I reminded her I'm not dead yet.

We talked for a very long time. Only when we hear that our stomachs were growling for missing breakfast did we realize how long we talked. I ordered a servant to bring us a large meal immediately, so we brunched so to say. I ate well for once, for you see, I haven't been eating well recently, but my appetite is back in full force.

When my sisters heard I was in good spirits they came to investigate. I told them of my revelation. They got mother and father and we all talked. I told father to stop trying to find alternatives. 

I must be sacrificed and that was that. My mother cried but I told her that now was not the time for tears. They all looked at me in such awe, and yes, love I believe.

For the first time in weeks, I feel at peace. I told them that we must leave today. I would not take no for answer—it will take several days to get to the mountains, and we don't have time for no. So we will travel light. I told Ness to stay here. I don't think she could take leaving me there.

**Fourth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**28****th**** day, morning**

We made it here with one day to spare. I now sit at the top of the mountain, waiting. I sent everyone back, my parents, sisters, servants. I now stand alone here. With no one around, I feel less brave but that's okay. If I cry now, no one but the wind will know.

The only things I have are this tablet, my reed flute, and of course my dagger. I still intend to give this monster a mark to remember me by. I took the flute because it was a gift from a god and the music soothes me as I wait. When I am not writing, I play it. I feel transported back to my childhood, back to that vineyard where I met a god. Perhaps that was the true gift he gave me, a final comfort. I am grateful beyond words.

As I sit here, I try and think of something to write. I plan to leave this tablet here although I have said all my goodbyes. Maybe I shall write a note telling it belonged to me and here is where I died. A tomb maker really. Each time I think to write the wind plays with my hair. It's very windy up here and hard to think. I suppose I'll stop writing for now and put the tablet away until I can think of something to write. For now, I shall play my flute.

**Ten minutes or so**

FOR THOSE THAT READ THIS TABLET, KNOW THAT WHERE YOU STAND IS MY FINAL RESTING PLACE. LET MY TALE BE KNOWN FOR IT SHALL BE A WARNING: I, A PRINCESS, DID ANGER THE GODS, AND NOW I WAIT FOR DEATH. LET ALL WHO SEE THIS, KNOW NEVER TO ANGER THE GODS, FOR YOUR HUBRIS SHALL BE YOUR DEMISE LIKE MINE. I PRAY YOU LEARN FROM MY MISTAKES.

--Psyche, Princess of


	3. Fifth Month after the New Year

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**3****rd**** day, morning**

It has been four full days since I sat, waiting on the mountain and all is very strange.

Obviously, I am not dead but that is not the strangest part of all. I shall begin from the start. Right after I made my inscription, nay I didn't even finish penning my name, the wind began to blow harder and harder. I began to worry that the wind was in fact the monster, coming to eat me! I realized my dagger that my brother-in-law gave me was useless and I realized it was pushing me towards a ledge. On the other side was a sheer drop for what seemed like miles. I admit, I did cry despite the new composure I had felt moments before. I'm rather scared of heights.

As I was pulled incessantly to the ledge and I cried, the most curious thing began to happen: I began to be picked up. I thought for sure that I was going to be tossed bodily. I tried to stop my tears, as a princess I should meet death with grace, but I confess I nearly broke down completely as I was pulled over to the cliff's edge. One look down and I practically fainted. Then I was airborne—not falling but closer to floating down the ledge. I calmed down enough to realize this about half way down. The wind was so gentle with me that I floated like a bubble until I reached the ground.

I touched down once or twice before it let me go. I was so surprised; I stopped crying as the breeze gently dried my tears. I remained standing there for I don't know how long. But this gentle wind seemed to stay and comfort me. Finally, I felt the gentlest of pushes against my back, propelling me forward. I let it lead me where it willed. I figured if I was to die, at least this gentle spirit was there beside me, which was more than I could have ever hoped for.

It led me deeper into this strange valley. I never knew this valley was here, but I know I walked through it so I know it is a true place. The breeze led me on, past a massive orchard. I was tempted to grab an apple for my tears had left me hungry, but what if I met some guardian and it attacked? Or should I meet the monster and I spent my last moments vomiting in disgust? (That is an odd thought, I think, but I thought it!)

I thought of pausing to write on this tablet again, but still the wind pushed on and I was afraid to be left behind. I walked on until we came to wondrous home; I gasped in surprise and I could have sworn that the breeze laughed at my shock!

It led me to the gate and vanished, so I guessed this place was the end of my journey. It seemed a rather sumptuous house for a monster, so I guessed the wind took pity and led me to safety. (I have made a vow to pray to Aeolus and the Four Winds from now on, even if I have to build a temple to them myself!) I shouted my gratitude to it and it came back. It is strange to describe what it did—it was like a cat rubbing against your leg, except all over and twice as heartwarming. Then it did go so I turned and opened the gate to the courtyard.

I saw the house was more like a palace or mansion, large and glorious. It was creamy white and sturdy looking. There were trees growing in the yard and large bushes of flowers by the house's entrance. To either sides of the path that led to the entrance were ponds, full of lotuses. I felt terribly envious of whoever the owner was, to live in such a beautiful home.

I went to the entrance and called in. Most people are quite welcoming of visitors because they could always be gods in disguise, like when Dionysus visited me as a child. I hoped that the owners would take pity on me and give me some food at least. I really had no idea what to do—Aphrodite was supposed to destroy my kingdom if I did not meet my end at the hands of the monster, but I couldn't find it. I guessed it was my solemn duty as a princess to find it and die for my kingdom (as morbid and terrifying as the thought was) but I had no idea where to look. Although, if I think of it now, I don't recall the oracle saying I needed to die just be left to it.

Anyway, when I called in I heard warm laughter and talking. It sounded like a party, so I thought that they hadn't heard me. (I believe these voices were the servants of this house.) I walked in and called louder. This time I heard shushing, so I knew they heard. I cried out to them "I am Psyche, princess of the kingdom to the east! I am in need of aid, is there someone hear that can help me?"

There was no reply so I went on. I was a little desperate. What if I had gone mad and only thought I heard people? I began to doubt everything.

"Please! You see, I need to find the monster that lives in these mountains or my kingdom is lost! Will anyone help me?"

I waited for several long moments, beginning to grow scared. What if I was mad? What if I was in the home of ghosts? But the grounds were so lovingly kept up, so someone had to live here.

I nearly began to cry when a gentle voice spoke into my ear. "Princess of the east, you are welcome here."

I spun around, expecting to see the young man that spoke, for the voice that spoke was both male and young, but I found no one there.

It spoke again. "Worry not, princess, for you cannot see me with your mortal eyes. I am really here."

I began to tremble. "Are you a ghost, sir?"

It laughed. I took that as a no.

"Are you…" I paused, trying to word the next part delicately, but failed. "The…creature I seek?"

It laughed again. "In a sense."

I'm afraid I got a bit short in my fright. "Sir, you either are or you are not," I said firmly, then I realized to whom I spoke. "Forgive my rash tongue."

"Do not worry." The voice sounded calm and still amused by me. "I am the one you seek," it went on. Then it lifted my curls next to my left ear and whispered. "But I am no monster."

I'm afraid I began to tremble. I was so confused and scared!

I felt a hand, warm and larger than mine, rest into the small of my back and propel me over to one of rooms close to the entrance. It was a lovely sitting room, and it led me over to a couch and sat me down. I can still remember it gently pressing on my shoulders to get me to sit. A glass of wine suddenly appeared next to my hand. I was petrified it might have been poisoned but then I thought I made it this far, and this unseen man was kind enough. I took a drink and tasted the loveliest wine I have ever drunk. I'm afraid I drank it rather fast but it helped me settle down. He, the voice, laughed and the glass refilled itself. I took smaller sips.

This voice began to explain with very gentle words that it was the lord of the house and the one I had been sent to.

"Since I have come to you then…will my kingdom be safe?" I asked, for this is the question I wanted to ask it second most. The first was if I was to be safe, but I was too afraid to ask.

"Yes."

I sighed in relief. Even if I died then, or now, I can rest at ease knowing my family and my people are safe. I have not failed them in my most vital duty. Anyway, my reaction amused the spirit. It went on.

"And you, Psyche," I perked up, at attention. "You too are safe. Nothing shall harm you as long as you remain here with me."

I'm afraid I began to tremble then cry in relief. Safe! I wanted to cry. Safe! I only wish I could tell my family not to mourn, for I am well taken care of.

After our talk, this man, nay, my husband! My husband told me to go to sleep. I did so gratefully and was asleep for the rest of that afternoon, that night, and nearly half the morning the next day. I was well rested, to say the least.

Since then, my husband has indeed taken good care of me. I count every blessing I have now. This husband of mine, he is quite good and kind to me. My parents would be pleased at that I think. I spent the last few days exploring my new husband's home. I found his bedroom on the third day, but I didn't sleep in it until last night. I've just been sleeping where ever I felt like, most often on the floor on the warm rugs he keeps in ever rooms, like I did when I was little. I shall return to his bedroom and sleep there again. Wives are supposed to sleep with their husbands, I think. My mother and sisters do, I know.

I had completely forgotten about this tablet. I just remembered it a little earlier.

I heard my husband laughing just now, next to me. He's reading over my shoulder, so I'll stop. I wonder what he thinks of having a bride that can read and write.

_I happen to find it fascinating._

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**4****th**** day, midday**

He took my writing utensil and wrote with it! And then he took off with it! When I came back, my old tablet was missing and this new one was here. I don't mind so much losing the old one, it was getting rather worn, but I did not yet wipe out my most of last entry! I wonder if he intends to keep it. He did ask why I kept wiping it clean, so I told him. Then he disappeared and dropped my writing utensil. That's when I came back to find this one. I still intend to keep wiping it clean, so I hope he doesn't mind, but some of my thoughts are too personal to share.

But if it's important, I should tell him. That's what my mother always told us, that we should not keep secrets, important ones at least, from our husbands. That can ruin a marriage. I think that's what happened to an uncle of mine, on my mother's side.

I would thank him, for the tablet, if I could find him. The hardest part about this marriage so far is the fact I can never see him! And last night he told me that he has one rule for me. One rule is not a whole lot, I guess, far less than what I had to deal with before, but this one troubles me. (Each word I write here, I quickly wipe away as I go. I hate to think the last of my personal writing days are over!) He says I am never allowed to light any candles or lamps after night near him! He means for me never to see him, I think. He is visible, more or less, at night. I don't know why. He is always hidden in shadow however.

It troubles me. Like I said, my mother warned against secrets and here I shall never see his face. Appearance does count for a secret, doesn't it?

**Later that afternoon**

I just had a thought, so I shall write it down and wipe it away just to get it out of my head. I wonder if my husband is ugly—I would not mind if my husband is. If that is why he keeps himself hidden, then I think it is a silly rule. I would not mind an ugly husband. He is good to me; well so far, it has only been five days, so if he was ugly I can get over it quickly.

If it is not because he is ugly, then I'm curious to know why he must hide. But oh well. My curiosity will get me in trouble if I linger too long on it.

Today I think I shall go play my reed flute next to the ponds. Did I mention I discovered more ponds? There are more gardens and several tall trees back there that give the best shade. I shall sit beneath one, next to the water and play.

I hope my husband does not mind my pipe playing. It was a gift, and it is so lovely.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**5****th**** day, morning**

Last night I had a sudden thought. It came to me when my husband rolled over and his arm curled around my waist. It's not that I minded, but it made me think. Ah, I keep dancing around the issue. It's embarrassing. (Oh husband, if you are reading this, then please stop for right now! I do hope I shall not become paranoid like an uncle of mine. I shall have to wipe very quickly as I go.)

My mother once told me that the solemn duty of wives is to provide their husbands heirs. When I was young I didn't understand this and asked her how wives are supposed to do this. She refused to answer but my sisters did finally! What I learned of the sex act (ah, I go red just writing that!) is all from them. We all drank rather too much wine after Penny got married and she explained it to us. So I know the mechanics of it and I know how babies are then born, and then she told it us it was a good way to please our husbands. I was really naughty from drinking and boldly asked my sister if it was pleasing to their wives too. Oh, Orual turned so red but Penny said I would figure it out when I got married.

Well, I am married so then

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**6****th**** day, midday**

He was reading! He started laughing so hard while I was writing that I knew without a doubt he was reading and figured out what I was about to write. I'm afraid I got so mad I smashed the new tablet and ran and hid in the gardens. I was so embarrassed; I sulked for most of the day. I think he joined me out there, but I refused to say anything and fell asleep out there. I woke up in bed to find the dawn and a new tablet. I haven't heard a peep from him, and for the first time he didn't join me at breakfast or lunch.

I admit, I'm still embarrassed but my mother would say that I'm being too childish. I suppose I should forgive him, but I can't find him again! I do feel a little bad about breaking the new tablet. I hardly used it. I'll spend today inside, but I'll find my reed flute. It always calms me down.

**Later that evening**

Still haven't found him. I think I'll leave a note for him on this tablet:

I'm sorry for getting angry yesterday. Can we try to be friends again?

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**7****th**** day, midmorning**

He did come back late last night. I wasn't sure he read my note, so I asked him then. He said yes and then apologized. Then we slept, or at least he did. You see, I was wondering about this rule of his again. If the reason he hides his face is not because he is ugly, then maybe he is a wanted man, an outlaw. I suppose it could be true but from what I know of his demeanor, I don't think that's it.

Now that I think about it, not only do I not know his appearance, I do not even know his name! I wonder if I should ask, but maybe he doesn't want me to know, like with his appearance.

Perhaps it is not so much his appearance or name that he does not want me to know, but his identity. That troubles me more than thinking he just doesn't want me to know if he is ugly.

In any case, I fell asleep, so I did not see him rise. We did have breakfast together but I don't know if he'll come to lunch.

I wonder how my family is doing. I miss them. Does Ness care for the kitten? Is Ness's grandson doing fine? Are my parents in mourning? And what of my sisters? So many questions, I suppose I'll never know.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**9****th**** day, mid afternoon**

Bother, I lost my tablet all day yesterday, but then again, nothing happened yesterday. I think my husband found it for me; it was sitting at the table on my side of the bed. Either him or one of the servants. His servants are invisible too! I forgot to mention them.

Not all of them have names apparently, but one of my favorites calls herself Lilac (all the female servants have flower or pet names, the names of males come from either tree or river names) and she is the one that usually tends the flowers out in the back courtyard. I met her one day while I was playing my flute under a tree with my feet dipped into the pond. I thought it was my husband at first, so I asked and she said no. I coaxed her to sit down and talk with me. I realize now that mother and father would not like me to talk to a simple servant girl but other than my husband, there is no one. Besides, she is a lovely girl.

She happened to mention that she was shocked when she learned I could read and write like her master. Several other servants are too, and I suppose a few disapprove but she didn't mention that. She did mention she liked to watch me form the letters, but when I asked, she said she didn't want to learn. It's not her place. That's too bad; I do enjoy writing,

I don't know what I would do if I couldn't write. Go mad I suppose.

I guess this means I no longer have an experiment and more of addiction. Well, I suppose I could be addicted to worse things.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**10****th**** day, morning**

Once again, I had another thought about why my husband has this rule. I was thinking about the servants. While talking with Lilac yesterday, I asked her where she came from and how she came to work for my husband. (Another thought—despite the fact he has called me his wife, we have never held hands, kissed, or did much beside talk. Wait! I suppose we do embrace a bit at night. …I'm going to wipe this bit off first.)

She told me that she did not remember where she came from; only that she has always worked for him. I asked if all the other servants were like that and she said they were, to her knowledge.

Could the reason my husband hides himself be because he is a magician or something? I have never met a magician, a real one anyway, but couldn't they make themselves invisible? I heard they can make their own servants.

If he is, that is a strange reason to hide his identity. But who am I to know of magicians?

Actually, I always wanted to meet one and get a proper horoscope. None of the astrologers back home could agree on

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**11****th**** day, morning**

I caught him reading what I wrote again! At least I didn't break the tablet this time.

He was trying very hard not to laugh but I heard him snickering. He swears he didn't read that much. (I had already wiped away the first bit, I know because he wanted to know which servant I was talking to. I didn't tell.) Only the bit about him being a magician. He says the horoscope part was why he was laughing. I couldn't blame him, it was a bit silly.

Then he started to tease me! He asked if I really wanted one, a horoscope that is. I knew he was teasing so I pretended I was angry and stalked out to the garden to play my pipes. He followed after me, apologizing. I think I gave myself away by smiling because he suddenly stopped. Since I was a bit mad (just a tiny bit, really) I decided to ignore him and play my pipes. He sat down next to me for awhile and listened.

I almost forgot him, so absorbed was I in the music, but then he asked me a question. He wanted to know where I got the pipes.

Since I do consider it a very good story of my childhood, I told him the whole thing. I couldn't see his face to see what his thoughts were but he mumbled something about being grateful. I was confused but he wouldn't repeat it.

We were quiet for a little bit then I asked him if he had learned his lesson yet about reading over my shoulder. He laughed! He said my thoughts were too interesting not to peek at. I suppose they would be; I don't talk about what I think all the time, I don't even write them all here. Mother and father both were very strict about not being too free with our thoughts, mainly for our own wellbeing. We ended up talking for a long time until it was time for dinner. After that we talked some more then went to bed.

When I woke up this morning, one of the servants told me that my husband had left for day and not to expect him back until tomorrow evening. So I know that at least today he won't be reading over my shoulder but without him about making some kind of mischief there's not much to write about.

I do miss him. There I said it. And it's only been a day! What's come over me?

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**12****th**** day, evening**

He is not back yet. Perhaps he's just late. If he came back very late, it wouldn't be the first time. Actually, that happened the second time I caught him reading my tablet too. I wonder how often he reads my tablet without me knowing. I wonder why he won't let me see his face. I wonder how everyone is doing.

I do a lot of wondering at night, especially without him here next to me.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**13****th**** day, evening**

He is not back again. I spent most of the day worrying. This is unlike me.

I hope he comes back soon. I don't sleep well without him.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**14****th**** day, morning**

He did come back last night! I was so glad to see him one minute then I was furious with myself the next for worrying. I nearly took it out on him, I'm afraid. And then he did something that made forget about it. He gave this bone weary sigh and crawled into bed next to me. I started to worry all over again; I tried to ask what happened, if he was alright but he wouldn't answer. He promised to explain in the morning but I can be persistent when want to be, so I kept up. Finally, well, he kissed me to make me quiet. Well, I admit it worked. Then he drew me closer and buried his head into my shoulder and told me to sleep.

I had wondered about kissing and now I had my first kiss when I was totally unprepared for it. I had hoped it would be a little more romantic than that but then

I couldn't finish that sentence. Too embarrassing. Well, my husband is still sleeping (he's in my lap, so I know he isn't reading) and I still don't know where he's been for the last few days.

His hair is reddish gold. I saw it last night in the moonlight when he pulled me close. I didn't break the rule, but I know his hair color and for some reason I feel naughty about it. I'm going to wipe this plate hard to clean it on the off chance though.

**Later that evening**

He did tell me where he's been later, more or less. He said he went to get some work done and visit a cousin of his. He won't tell me what he does for a job and when I asked why he visited his cousin, he said it was to say thank you. He refuses to tell me why, instead he teased me about being too curious. I suppose it's a fault of mine

_I don't think it's a fault._

How many times have I told you about reading over my shoulder?

_I'm not reading over your shoulder. I'm at your side._

You think you're funny, don't you?

_I know I am._

I'm not going to keep doing this! If anyone's at fault for being curious it's you!

_That's why it's not a fault._

Agh, my husband!

_My wif_

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**15****th**** day, mid afternoon**

I had to stop writing yesterday because I just could not concentrate with my husband writing with me. (Alright, I will admit that was a bit fun.) He teased my afterward that I'm more expressive and bold in my writing than talking. Now I fear I'll never get him to give me a moment alone.

Anyway, I ran and took the tablet with me, then wiped it clean. I do believe he pouted, but I couldn't see so I don't know.

Lilac's just joined me. She does enjoy watching me write. She still refuses to learn to write though. I suppose it's just as well, at least I don't have to worry about the servants reading my words too.

Lilac wants to see what her name looks like, so I'll write it for her here.

LILAC

She quite likes it. Now she wants to see mine.

PSYCHE

I remember being that amazed when I first started learning to write. Before that, writing was just scribbles that my father did on paper to me but now I realize how important and amazing writing is.

Lilac—she's so excited, she realized I was writing about her, so I'll read this aloud—reminds me a great deal of myself when

Oh dear, she got embarrassed and made me stop. Anyway, Lilac's the one person I suppose I don't mind reading over my shoulder—I read that line to her, I can tell it pleased her. I do I wish I could see her. She, besides my dear husband, (oh, he'd tease me if he saw that!) is the only real friend I have here.

Although, I take that back. There are a few other servants and I mustn't forget about that gentle wind that led me here. I entirely forgot about that breeze. I do believe it is my friend still, because when I come out here, I feel the wind gently playing with my hair and cooling me.

I read that line to Lilac, and she says she knows who that wind is! She says it is the god, Zephyr! The moment she said his name, the wind did indeed pick up and play with my hair.

I've made friends with a god! Who many people can say that? You know, besides Aphrodite I've had quite a bit of good luck and meetings with the gods.

I think Zephyr can read too. I think I heard him laugh at that last bit.

Oh, my husband is coming! Lilac's leaving but I have to erase this quick.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**16****th**** day, mid afternoon**

I write on this tablet far more than my old one I believe. Not the one I broke, but the one my husband took. He still won't tell where he put it. I think he worries I'll wipe it clean and take it back.

But here, another tidbit that I finally weaseled out of my husband: he has a brother that he is very close to and many other siblings that he is fond of. He did admit he was from a very large family. I wonder how large. My parents only had my sisters and me but I have many, many cousins. I know some servants with huge family lines as well, and those relatives are only those they remember!

He refuses to tell more about them though. He won't even say if I will meet them.

I want to ask him what color hair his mother has. But I think he would be suspicious then.

Oh well.

All this talk of family makes me long for mine. I'm afraid I wasn't a very good companion at lunch because of it. I'll make up for it at dinner. I don't want him to think it's something he did. (I found he does worry about that at times. To be honest, I worry often too.)


	4. Fifth Month Continued

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**16****th**** day, mid morning**

I have so much free time. That's why I write so often, I decided. I think if I could have more time to write, I would have realized how addicting writing is quicker. I do remember thinking that my fingers nearly itched to write.

My husband, I still don't know his name, has disappeared again. Very early, before dawn, he woke me up to say he was leaving. I'm afraid I wasn't quite awake and pouted. He kissed me again.

Oh no, Lilac caught me blushing and asked what was wrong.

**Later that evening**

I ended up talking to Lilac so long, I nearly forgot lunch. I was in such a hurry I left the tablet outside and it rained. It's positively ruined. When my husband came back (about an hour or so ago) I told him. He says I go through these too fast.

_You do._

I wouldn't go through them as fast if you would stop taking up space.

_I like writing to you like this. You're funny._

I guess that makes two of us then.

_Exactly._

Is your brother as funny?

**Ten or twenty minutes later, I forget**

We ended up fighting. I've been mad at him before, but this time he was mad back. It was scary. I walked out and am now in the sitting room near the entrance, reclining on the couch. I'd go outside but it's raining. One of the servants kept the fire going.

I can't stop trembling.

I think I'll stay down here tonight.

I want to write, but I can't think of anything to say. I wish I had grabbed my reed flute, I don't care if I kept the whole house up (that's not really true), I would feel better at least.

I wonder how my sisters are doing.

I can't think of anything to write, so I just wipe the tablet clean and go to sleep.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**17****th**** day, morning**

He came downstairs and saw what I wrote before I got rid of it. He apologized. I accepted and apologized too, but I still shook. It was too warm due to the fire to mistake it for chill and he knew. He made the fire go out (I don't know how. One moment he was in the shadows and the next the whole room was in shadow) and then he picked me up and carried me to bed. I accidently dropped the tablet back on the couch.

When I wrote the second time when I caught him reading, I was writing about the time my sisters and I got drunk. I asked Penny if women enjoy the sex act too. She said I had to wait to find out.

Well, now I have. That is all I will write about it. Husband, if you did read that, I swear I will refuse to talk to you until I die.

**Later that afternoon**

I'm tempted to put this tablet back inside, since it does look overcast but I feel the need to write. I'm glad to say my husband didn't read what I wrote; apparently he was still asleep when I was writing. (I got up before light, so I didn't break my promise and see him. Although if I did, would it count? I didn't light a lamp or candle.) He came out later, when I was playing my pipes on the couch, and when he found me, he asked me how long I'd been up. I think I worried him, that's the first time he's woken up in our bed without me in it. I managed to reassure him, I think at least, and we had breakfast.

I won't write about what we did (now I'm paranoid Zephyr will read what I write, but at least he doesn't make disconcerting comments) but I will say, something did seem to change. He was very gentle and cautious with me, even this morning. I tried to tease him about it but he didn't rise to the bait. I amused him at least, because he was back to normal. Well, almost normal.

I wonder if I have changed. I don't mean physically (although it is true) but I think I matured a bit last night.

**Ten minutes later**

It did start to rain. I felt the first few drops and hurried inside. I don't know if my husband is reading over my shoulder or not, but I do not think so.

It's strange, I feel as if over these

I'm sorry; I just realized how long I have known my husband—eighteen days. It seems as if I have known him much longer. Maybe that is why I feel like I do—like I can almost sense his presence if he is near. The feeling is not unlike the feeling of being watched. Just more pleasant now, I believe.

Anyway, back to what I was talking about before I ran inside. I do think I changed. Physically, I know my maidenhood is lost. Emotionally…I don't know. I think I trust my husband more. No, I know I do. That seems strange. I thought I already trusted him a great deal, but now I trust him like I do my sisters or parents. No, that's not it either—what I feel is different than that. I trust him yes, but that's not it.

I'm not sure what I feel. I do know that he and I are closer now though.

This feeling, whatever it is, makes me feel strange. Like I am outside my own body, that's how distant this feeling makes feel, not quite uncomfortable but

I think I'm not as articulate today.

Was what we did last night the reason? Probably. My husband shall tease me that he left me tongue tied no doubt.

Ah! Oh no, just thinking about his tongue made me turn red. I pray he doesn't read this entry. (He'd be hard pressed to. I'm hiding nearly upside down in a closet. He can't read over my shoulder now. I can barely read. I'd better stop.)

**Later**

I think my husband saw me with this tablet when I came out and he won't leave me alone. I believe he's waiting to read more.

I wonder if we shall do what we did last night again?

_We can do that again whenever you wish._

So you are snooping!

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**18****th**** day, afternoon**

I did catch him good last night. He was amused I caught him so easily. At least now I have a good test to see when he's reading. Since I'm sure he's not reading for once I can write without worry for once. He left again, but promised to back tonight. He sounded quite playful, so I think he does what to do "it" again. I think I'm getting the hang of it at least.

At least I stopped blushing whenever I think of certain parts of his anatomy. Well, most parts anyway. (I feel so naughty writing that line. He is right; I am much bolder in my writing then speaking. He threatens to get me drunk just to see how loose my tongue can be. Ah, just writing it there, I have a naughty thought! I blame my husband. He's a bad influence.)

There is something though, that I realized the first night, and I was sure of it last night. My husband is not ugly. I know, I felt a bit bad when I realized why I kept touching his face, but, well he does like touching

I could not finish that sentence. I'm glad none of the servants can read, one just asked me if I had a fever, I was blushing so much.

Anyway, I realized that my husband cannot be ugly unless he has the most terrible looking birthmark somewhere. He has no scars, recent at least, and I know. I do not need the light to tell me what my fingertips can. His facial features were all in the right place; in fact, I would bet he's at least good looking, if not outright handsome. Nothing else seems wrong with him. His arms and legs are the same length and strong. There is nothing wrong with his torso. His hair I know is curly and golden red.

So that means my husband does not want me to see him not because he is ugly.

Honestly, if he is magician or outlaw, I don't know what would do.

He is my husband, so I suppose that is good enough.

It's odd. A week or two ago, I was dying to know, but at the moment, I don't think I care if he is a magician or outlaw. He could turn me into a toad or could cut my throat (doubtable, he'd have done it by now, I think) but I care not.

What does it all mean?

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**19****th**** day, later afternoon**

I made for a terrible companion today, I know I did. I stayed outside all day with my reed flute in my lap but I couldn't bring myself to play it. When I do not think of my husband, I think of my family. In fact, the only time the longing I feel recedes is when I talk to my husband or write about him and my new life here.

I think this is the real reason I write, I realize I lied before. I am sorry.

Anyway, while I am quite happy with my new life here, I long for my sisters painfully. I would like to see my parents again but my sisters and I were so close once. If I could tell them how much I love them, tell them not to worry about me, I think I would feel better. If there was some news from them, I think I would like that too.

**Later that evening**

I feel asleep outside without cleaning my tablet. If my husband or Zephyr read it, I won't mind too much. There was nothing there that would terribly embarrass me. Just truth. I do long for my sisters. 

A servant, a male one named Oak, came and woke me for dinner. I was rather quiet, but I think I can blame it on my lethargy. I feel so tired; I don't think my husband will even try to seduce me tonight.

I think it's because I miss my sisters. Maybe tomorrow I will recover from my melancholy.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**20****th**** day, mid afternoon**

Can think of nothing to write. All I want to do is sleep. I worry my husband enough, so I won't tell him this: all yesterday afternoon until now, my stomach pains me. It is not yet time for my monthly cycle so I am confused. Perhaps my bleeding will be a little early this month. I don't think he'll want to lie with me if I'm bleeding.

I wish my sisters were here. I would ask them if they ever felt this pain too.

**Later that evening**

I think my husband read a bit of my last entry, because after writing I feel asleep. I woke up with him massage my lower back gently. It does feel better. I woke up hungry, so at least my appetite's returning. He ordered a servant to bring me some food and I ate in bed, something I haven't done since I was very small and sick. Ness told me not to tell, that was the only time I did.

And now I think of Ness and the rest of my family. I shall put aside my tablet and go to bed with my husband.

I had a terrible thought, just as I was putting this away—what if I'm just using my husband to fight my loneliness for my family? I am that terrible? I don't know. I am human. I worry so lately. I shall hurry and find him. I don't like feeling this way in the least.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**21****st**** day, morning**

I was not bleeding yet last night, so I may or may not have hinted that then was probably the last time I would be able to enjoy the sex act. I worded it prettier than that, at least I think. My husband got the gist of it quick enough. I think that made him feel better than it did me.

This morning my pain is gone. I told him that and he seemed quite pleased. My melancholy from the last few days is lifted, but my husband was still curious as to why I was sad in the first place. I said I was not sure, which is somewhat true—some of it I think is because I will start my cycle soon, I get tense. This is the first time I felt so much pain though.

I wish I could talk to my sisters about this. I think they could explain it to me.

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**23****rd**** day, afternoon**

I have the greatest and worse news to report! My husband informed that two weeks from now, he shall leave for a full week. That is the longest we have ever been apart and I admit I was stricken at the thought of being separated for so long. He really is my best friend now. Closer to me than maybe my sisters.

And speaking of sisters, that is the good news! He knew I have been longing to hear from them, he must have, because he says while he is away, he shall see if they shall join me to keep me company for the time he is away! I am both overjoyed to see my sisters at last and terribly sad that my husband shall leave me for so long.

Oh, a week isn't even that long! My mother had to wait much longer for my father when he went sailing when he was younger. I know that he was gone for almost a year once, fighting in a war. How does she stand it?

**Later that evening**

I had a sudden revelation. I can't believe I didn't see it before. I could kick myself for this silliness.

How did mother stand my father leaving?

Easy. She loved him. She had faith he would return.

This is how I shall survive a week without him.

A while ago, I wondered ago what strange feelings I felt for my husband were. Well, now I know! I feel silly and foolish, but I can't help giggling to myself. I'm in love! As a child, I prayed I would love my husband, and now my wish has come true! Oh, I must look like fool, giggling here to myself. But it's true.

Ah! My husband is coming! I wonder

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**24****th**** day, morning**

Before I could finish writing he started to read, so I just let him. He didn't say anything for a bit. I was terribly worried I did make a fool of myself. But then, ah, I know I have come a long way from the 

shy and, yes, sheltered girl but I shall just say that he took me back upstairs and showed me he reciprocated.

Oh dear, he's reading again. I shan't stop him this time either.

**Later that evening**

I don't think we are ever going to get out of this bed at this rate. Oh well. I haven't started my bleeding yet, so it's not like there's a problem. With all that pain, I was expecting to happen in a day or so, but nothing yet. I shall ask my sisters get here.

Are you reading this again?

_Maybe__._

I thought so. When are you going to learn?

_You like it._

I'd like it better if you stop taking my writing utensil!

_Come back to bed._

I am in bed. I can't write if you're hanging all

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**25****th**** day, morning**

He interrupted my last entry, but I didn't need to finish it. Anyway, he's left again. He left early this morning, waking me up to say goodbye and promise to be back by nightfall. I went back to sleep for awhile but I woke up in time to take a bath. I only really mentioned I would like one when one of the servants said she would draw one up. I was surprised and then I had the silliest thought—what if, ugh, this is a terrible thought really, but what if the servants saw us? That would be horrifying. I don't think they did but it is a scary thought.

Anyway I took a bath and then asked the servant to make sure our bedroom was aired out. It smells quite heavily of sex in there. And so did I, hence the bath.

After my bath, I ate breakfast. I chatted with some servants; Primrose and Nile I think were two of them. It wasn't the same as talking to my husband or even Lilac, but it was nice considering it was a lonely meal of one today. I considered just staying in the house or courtyard but then I realized something—in all the time I've been here, I had not once set foot outside the outer gate. My world seemed as small as this home and the yard. I decided I needed to get out and take a nice walk. My husband never said anything about stepping out. And I'm not running away or anything, just out 

walking. I told the servants this and none of them protested that my husband would be against it. In fact, Nile I think said Zephyr would probably join me at the door.

I grabbed this tablet and my knife, as a precaution, and walked out the door. Zephyr did meet me at the door, rubbing against me like a cat, and I explained I was going for a walk and asked him to join me. He gently tugged on a curl, so I think he was agreeing. So he and I walked for a bit until we came to the orchard I saw earlier when I first walked through here to my husband's home. I had to stop. I ate some of the fruit (I did ask Zephyr if it was alright, on the off chance this was a guarded grove, but he plucked down an apple, so I think this is also my husband's) and sat down to write.

We are still here. I think I should have visited this place sooner. I feel so warm here in the sun, despite the branches and the fruit is

**Fifth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**26****th**** day, evening**

Something very strange is going on with my husband today. To explain and continue from yesterday, I was talking about the fruit and how lovely it was when a strange shadow fell over me. I glanced up, thinking the sun was being blocked by a passing cloud.

I was very wrong.

Before me stood a man. He was very handsome but he looked confused and startled to see me.

He had red gold hair too, but it was shorter than my husband's. He had a well trimmed beard too where my husband does not.

He looked at me for several long moments. I was too startled, like him, to speak. When it did strike me to speak, he disappeared like wisp of smoke in the air. I stared for a long time but then Zephyr began tugging incessantly at my clothes so I got up. He then pushed me over to a cove, far on the other side of the valley. Then he made me sit. I thought we were in danger, so I got out my dagger. I think I surprised Zephyr but then he laughed (it is a very strange thing to hear the wind laugh at you!) and pushed the blade back. I think he meant it was useless. Still, it was comforting so I kept it out.

We stayed there for most the day. When the sun began to set, Zephyr lead me back home and my husband met me at the door. I didn't get to say goodbye to my friend as my husband pulled me into his arms and began to scold me. I think I really worried him so I didn't object. I tried to explain to him what happened but I think a servant must have seen the man too, because he knew about it already.

I asked him if he knew what he was doing here. He finally answered that the man was a relative that had been looking for him. I admit, I was suspicious and asked another question. If he was family, why was this man so surprised to see me, his wife, there?

He said that he hadn't had a chance to tell that man yet. He won't tell me how closely related the two of them are. I think that was his brother, but I don't know if I should ask.

He made me come in to eat. I was starving but I couldn't get him to talk about the man anymore at dinner. Instead he asked me about my dagger.

I was surprised. I didn't know he knew about it. He said Zephyr told him when we came back. He wanted to see it. I eventually told him about how my father taught me how to use it. I had him laughing so hard with some of the stories; I actually made him tip his chair over. He didn't loose his good cheer and I was drawn in too. He said he was glad to know I could defend myself at least.

Now it is just before bed, and I am still curious about the man. Maybe I'll ask later, when he is feeling more open to talking about it.


	5. Sixth Month after the New Year

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**2****nd**** day, evening**

I have not written for a few days now, because my husband kept following me around. I know he did, I could sense it. I think he wanted to see me write again, but I refused. I am mad at him and this will show him not to hover so.

I am not mad so much at his constant attempts to read what I write; I am madder that he still refuses to tell me who that man was. I want to know!

Ah, I feel him coming again. I think he spotted me. I'll wipe this clean and show him!

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**9****th**** day, evening**

I'm a bit sad that the last time I wrote, I was cross with my husband because now he is gone. However, with my sisters here to join me, my worries and fears are nearly forgotten with the joy they bring me now that we are reunited. I would have written yesterday, but we were so caught up with catching up, the day was gone and I was too exhausted to write.

Yesterday morning, I awoke to find my husband's side of the bed empty already so I was the tiniest bit cross with him about leaving without saying goodbye to me, but that was all forgotten when a little before lunch when my sisters arrived. I was just sitting down to my meal when I heard their dearly missed voices calling out to see if I was home. I left my meal and ran to greet them. How shocked they were to see me there!

Oural nearly crushed me to her bosom and Penelope was beside herself. She kept insisting to check me for scars and wounds she was sure 'that terrible creature' had inflicted on me!

"Here now," I said, a bit teasingly, "that creature is my husband."

O, the looks on their faces! Still, I felt a bid bad when I saw how much they had been worrying about me. We stood there talking for a bit, mostly them constantly repeating how shocked they were to find me here and in such excellent condition, and I finally remembered my lunch and invited them to it. They then revealed they had eaten some of the apples from my husband's orchard so they were not hungry (despite Zephyr's apparent disapproval. Penelope claims that she dislikes how windy it was! It's strange; Zephyr has never bothered me before.)

I had a light lunch and we had a very long talk of filling each other in. I told them of my time here with my husband. I even admitted that my happiness could now be complete with our reuniting. (I 

also begged them to tell our parents of my joy and good health, I hope that now they will see not to mourn me!) Then they told me of their own lives since the last we met, a little over a month ago.

Penelope has not given birth yet, so now I do feel a bit bad to have made her travel now that she is getting near the end of her pregnancy. She told me that mother and father were both putting on brave faces for the public but she fears that even she cannot see the scope of how deeply they hurt at losing me. (I really hope they will learn soon not to worry for me! Oural's promised to send them messages for me.) Oural explained that her husband is a bore. I feel some pity for my sister, and have promised to pray for her happiness (along with everyone else as well).

We talked for so long, a servant informed us that dinner would be served soon. So, we got up and I showed them around the house and grounds. I'm afraid I was a bit vain when I showed them around, but it was so funny to see their eyes go wider with each new room and I didn't even show them all the sitting rooms, bedrooms, the baths. I took them outside, to show them my favorite spots by the trees and ponds. Lilac told me that dinner was served so we returned and ate and we talked more.

I had worried I would be lonely at night, alone in my big bed so I invited them to join and sleep with me like we had when we were children. I slept between them, contently.

I awoke to find Oural peeking in a linen chest and offered to call for breakfast. We woke Penny and ate. Again we spent they day talking and I showed them some more of my home.

I wish they could tell me how Ness is doing, but Penny doesn't approve of the over-familiarity she thinks I share with Ness and Oural never cared for her anyway. Still I am glad they are here with me now. How I have missed them; despite the fact I look forward to my husband's return in five days, I am so thankful to see them again.

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**10****th**** day, midday**

Spent the day amusing ourselves and talking. No time to talk, they're already calling me back.

Four days until I see my husband again!

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**11****th**** day, midday**

Three days.

Oural said a queer thing at lunch today, but wouldn't repeat it. Penny got a pinched look on her face, so I think she heard but she wouldn't say either.

Penny asked for one of the spare rooms last night so I put her in one down the hall; I think she got tired of Oural and me spending half the nights chatting.

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**12****th**** day, just before midnight**

In two days, my husband returns and now I am worried to see him again.

I finally understand now what Oural had meant at lunch yesterday; I finally got her to tell me. She never could keep a secret from me. Now I wish she had.

She and Penny both believe my husband is a monster.

I finally got her to tell me after lunch, when Penny had gone for a bath and we stayed in a sitting room. She made a comment and this time I refused to let her escape me. When she told me, I began to laugh. I thought she was joking but then I stopped when I abruptly realized she didn't look humorous at all.

"Oh, Oural—you can't really be serious!" I tried to laugh it off but she had such a stern look on her face.

"Psyche, you said yourself that you do not know what he looks like."

I admitted to them earlier about my husband's strange rule but if I had thought it would have worried them so, I said I wouldn't have told them!

Oural shook her head. She tried to explain that she and Penny think he's a monster, who's trying to trick me to fall in love with him.

"Why not just kill me in the first place?" I tried to argue in my poor husband's defense.

Oural looked so severe! "Like a cat playing with his prey, he'll wait until he has you ensnared and revel in destroying you!" When I tried to argue, she reminded me of one of my mother's ladies-in-waiting. This poor woman unfortunately was seduced by a man and fell in love only to have him completely ruin not only her family fortune and pride but her own reputation. My mother had to send her away in disgrace.

I hate to admit it, but I was shaken to remember that. Still I tried to insist she was wrong. But then Penny joined us and she left off for then.

How can my sisters even think that my husband, whom I already dearly love, could be so horrible? If only they knew him, I know they would not think such things!

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**14****th**** day, midnight**

My sisters left me when Helios slipped under the horizon and Selene rose. Zephyr took them back over the mountain. My husband has not returned yet so here I sit in bed, lonely with only tiresome thoughts to occupy me.

In truth, it is but two thoughts that worry me.

Before they left, I asked Penny about the pains I felt not too long ago, asked if she and Oural had them too. She said yes and explained what her doctors told her—that when women becomes most fertile, sometimes it brings painful cramps. She asked me why but she had already guessed I had felt pains. She got very tense and asked me whether or not I have lain with my husband during that time. I could see that she did have suspicions, like Oural. She tried to speak of them but I fended her off, I did not want to hear it again when Oural already spoke to me. I lied, one because she really doesn't need to know what my husband and I do, two because it would only upset her.

But now that they are gone and I am alone, I cannot but help to wonder that if my husband is indeed a monster in disguise does this now me that it is not just my life in jeopardy?

I wrote that I have always wanted a child and this is true. I wanted to have a family of my own and now that it may happen, what if my husband does intend to kill me before the possible birth of our child? Oural pressed me to take a blade and kill him!

It shames me to admit, but I constantly question if they may right. If for nothing else, I must take it into consideration for the health of any child of mine. What if I am pregnant and he wants to kill me?

Before my sisters came, everything seemed much simpler! I thought I would be happy to meet them again but things only seem to have gotten worse.

I do not like thinking ill thoughts such as these about my husband. Where is the faith and trust I had in him before? Gods help me.

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**21****st**** day, afternoon**

I have not written in a week mostly because I was too busy either spending time with my husband or being besieged with my worries and doubts. I believe that he has realized that something is off with me; he's mentioned my not writing multiple times. I feel terrible lying so I merely say that I am too busy to write or that I have nothing to write about. I once used the excuse that the tablet was getting worn and I found that he had brought me a new one immediately after I told him.

He left again this morning and now I write in my cramped little sanctuary of a closet. I know that none of the servants can tell my husband what I am writing but I do not chance writing in the yard where Zephyr can read. I do not know if he would tell my husband but I won't chance it.

It is a terrible thing to be so afraid that I have to hide in a closet to write.

All I do when I am not in my husband's presence is doubt if he loves me, wonder if he is a monster, and worse, I wonder if he would indeed kill me. On top of these fears is the worry that I'm pregnant and then if I am, will he kill it too. I have still not bled, something that has not happened since before I was put on a larger diet to make sure I would be able to bear children. If I told him I might be pregnant would he spare me?

These worries tax my appetite but I know I would probably worry my husband if I suddenly stopped eating. And if I do stop eating and I am pregnant, what would happen to my child?

This is all too much! I do not know how much longer I can hide my fears.

**Sixth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**26****st**** day, midnight**

Besides me my husband sleeps, unaware of my plight. Oh gods, I love him, but for fear of the life of my child and my own, I know not what to do. The last time I wrote, when I finished I began to sharpen my blade for want of something better to do. I stopped paying attention to it as I dragged the whetstone against the blade, nearly forgetting everything in the soothing motions. When I finished I realized I had sharpened it to the point I could slice off my own fingers with a careless gesture.

Now I hold the blade in my hand now. At my bedside are a candle and a flint to light it.

If there is one god out there that they may hear my plea, then please! What should I do?!

**Fifteen minutes later**

Oh, gods, forgive me for what I now do!


	6. Eighth Month after the New Year

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**3****rd**** day, mid afternoon**

It has been over a month since I have last written. I have not had access to any tablets or writing utensils. Nor have I had want to write. I still do not. But once writing brought me relief, at times the only relief to be had. I hope that now it can do so again. I feel a poison runs through me. May it bleed out me and into my pens. May it stain this paper instead of my heart.

**Later**

I am the world's greatest fool.

That night, after erasing my entry to put in my last plea, I light the candle and stood. I gripped my blade and

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**4****th**** day, lunch**

Not only am I the world's greatest fool, I am also its greatest coward. I could not write anymore and fled, leaving my room for the first time in a week. Fled from a scroll! I cannot erase that account either. I have vowed to let all know of my foolishness.

To continue:

I lit the candle, held my knife, and turned to face my husband. Even then my cowardice froze me. Or maybe it was the last bit of sense, begging me to blow out the candle and forget all the foolishness. But I finally forced myself to turn and look, getting ready to sta

I had to pause. My hand was shaking too much to finish.

I turned; ready to stab my dear husband.

Dear! Not only a fool and a coward but a liar as well. Thrice cursed.

When I turned, I was trying to find what dregs of courage I once had. I once openly went to my assumed death like a princess should and there I was without a stitch of that bravery. Where is that brave girl I once was?

I turned and looked upon the face of my husband. I knew him in an instant. I should have. I saw his likeness enough when I looked at statues of him and his mother in their temples. Aphrodite's son.

Imagine my shock to realize my husband was the god, Eros.

A thousand things seemed to click into piece. One of them being the identity of the man I met that day at the orchard. I know now that it must have been Anteros, coming to seeing his brother. I was so shocked, I flinched, extinguishing the flame and dropped the knife so it clattered right underneath the bed. It sounded like the earth had opened up beneath me. I wish it had.

The noise woke my hus

It woke Eros. At first he did not realize anything was amiss. Indeed, he started to ask what was wrong! Then he saw the candle, still warm and melting. There was a long moment where we said nothing. It was too dark without the flame to see his expression although he must have seen my horrorstricken one. I scarcely breathed.

And then all at once I was falling through air only to land hard on the ground. I laid there stunned and sharply bruised (I fell at least a story of height). The house was gone. The servants were gone. The yard was gone. All that was around me was open field where our house once stood. Strangely, I must have fallen asleep or maybe I just left my body because next I knew it was dawn.

I probably would have withered and died there but perhaps my survival instincts forced me to my feet. I stood and walked. I must have walked all the way to the cliff from where I originally came from, because my next memory was of stopping in the middle of climbing nearly halfway up. I was sobbing so hard I couldn't move. I sat down on a nearby rock and would have remained if not Zephyr returned.

I do not know why he returned for a wretch like me but he must have pitied me. Perhaps he had meant to toss me to my death and changed his mind.

I wonder now if it would have been kinder to end my miserable existence there instead of helping me up the mountainside. I do not remember climbing up, only just collapsing next to the lip of the ledge on top. No amount of persistent tugging got me up that time. I was half tempted to toss myself off the ledge then and there.

Perhaps I should have.

I shall stop writing for now. My leaving yesterday awoke a tiny hope in my parents that I am recovering. I never shall but for them I shall join them at the table. May I can eat something.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**5****th**** day, lunch**

Maybe my old cure is working. I have eaten two times out of three meals. My parents look overjoyed.

I am no doubt the worst daughter and wife in the world.

…maybe not the worst, but I am definitely terrible.

**Five minutes later**

Did I really just make a joke?

**Later**

To continue with my story:

A great deal of my journey is lost to me. I remember Zephyr would bring me things to eat while I walked. I was always walking. The only times I stopped was when I dropped from exhaustion. Anything was better than remembering and the walking staved off my dark thoughts. My feet would have no doubt led me in circles if good Zephyr had not pressed me gently on in the direction of my home.

The only time I stopped that I remember is when Zephyr brought me my reed pipes. I do not know if he had just found them but when he gently dropped them at my feet I stopped and stared.

Then I burst into tears. I slammed to my knees and nearly crushed my dear present. I sobbed harder than ever, a shocking idea. Before that, I thought I shed my most painful tears the morning after my greatest folly.

Sometime later I must have scooped up my last treasure and continued walking. It began to snow but I noticed nothing. Not the chill, the frost, not even the snow. Demeter's daughter has left her to visit her husband; I was abandoned by mine and was returning to her and my father. Even in my sorrows, the irony has not escaped me.

Somehow, little more than a week ago I arrived here in my parents' home. It is curious to note that my parents did not know I was alive. I did not even wonder why.

My thrice damned sisters never told them. Well now they know. Penelope and Oural hover at my door begging pardon, mine and my parents', but I ignore them. Penny, I think, might be sincere. Oural was supposed to inform my parents.

I care not.

I am the world's greatest fool, coward, and wretch. Whether my sisters are sorry or not, I don't honestly give a damn.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**6****th**** day, morning**

Penny gave birth to a handsome son before I returned. His name is Anima. A blessing on the babe and father and a pox on the mother.

Or at least his aunts.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**9****th**** day, evening**

I refuse to allow my parents to announce my return or even the fact I still live.

Why? I am the greatest shame on the kingdom, none of our people deserve the shame I bring them.

I wish my husband had killed me.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**10****th**** day, mid afternoon**

Ness brought her little grandson into try and please me. Since my return, she has returned to the duties she originally had.

When I saw her handsome little baby in her arms, I burst into tears. I did not even know why! I finally blurted my belief I am pregnant. Poor Ness. Her eyes went so wide. I believe she worried me mad for a moment before realizing my sincerity. (Apparently I do have some left. So, I have lost courage and gained back my honesty.)

I worried that then her fear was from the fact she might think this child is one of a monster's. And then she shocked me.

She began to scold me! She cursed me blue, shouting that if there was a child, it will be a miracle if it survived on my minimal diet.

I began to cry and she cried too.

Gods forgive me, but please, if I was ever pregnant at all, let this babe live! I still have not bled not in these three months. Ness says that is a good sign.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**12****th**** day, evening**

For the first time for nearly three weeks, I left my parents' palace. I was heavily cloaked and veiled. Ness led me to Demeter's temple. I prayed to this goddess, this mother, for the health and safety of my child.

Demeter, protect her or him, especially from its fool of a mother!

My mother, at least, is beside herself to see my appetite has at last returned.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**15****th**** day, afternoon**

Gods forgive me, but I have forgiven Penny.

This afternoon just as I was about to leave to find Ness to come with me to Demeter's temple, Penny appeared with her son in her arms. She shocked me further by sinking to her knees and bowing her head. Then she raised her son up into her hands like an offering.

"Forgive this child's mother. She is a stupid, vile, wicked woman."

And then she looked up at me. For the first time in all my life, I saw tears streaming down her face.

"And if she could, she would sooner fling herself off that mountain than see her sister despair anymore."

I was struck dumb and fell back onto my bed. Finally I asked her to help me dress and we left to pray together at Demeter's temple.

I have made peace with Penny, but what of Oural? I know not what I should do.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**16****th**** day, evening**

Today I heard of a temple of Demeter outside of the city. They say those expecting mothers that go and pray to the goddess there are granted healthier children. Especially in these winter months when she pities those mothers when her own child is gone. I am set on going. None shall dissuade me.

I leave in two days. I shall only take enough food and clothes to protect and sustain me and my child. Ness is beside herself but mother seemed oddly calm. All these trips to Demeter's temple must have led her to figure out my pregnancy. Father, however, is just as upset as Ness and would have forbidden it if my mother hadn't spoken in my favor.

I leave in two days.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**17****th**** day, evening**

I was sitting at the window when I remarked about a thought I had to Ness that seemed to deeply distress her. I said the truth—when my child is born, what will happen to me? Women in my family seem to be remarkably robust about giving birth, there have been few deaths. My own body hides if I am pregnant well. Penny didn't even start to show any weight gain until well into her fifth month apparently.

Ness said that I must raise my child, if my health permits perhaps.

Food for thought, I admit, but then I asked what I should do when it is grown and no longer in need for me.

"Then perhaps you'll have something else to live for by then," she tried to tell me with at that knowing look of hers.

I said that there were quite a few perhaps there.

She paused then said I must be recovering, my pert tongue has returned. Honestly the only people I have ever been really pert with were her

…and Eros.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**18****th**** day, morning**

I leave today. For the sake of this scroll's preservation, I will not write until after I visit the temple. Also, the ink may freeze in the bottle. Instead I will return to a tablet if I must write.

I have refused all traveling companions. I want no guards, and I refused all of the select servants that know of my return. I won't allow my family or Ness to come with me either.

I shall walk there as a simple pilgrim. Perhaps Zephyr may yet join me. The trip is not far, maybe a two day walk considering the freezing cold that's settled in.

May Demeter hear my prayers and grant my child good health!


	7. Eighth to Ninth Month after the New Year

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**21****st**** day, morning**

Will my world ever settle down? It keeps flipping up and down so, I worry for the health of my child due to this stress.

Yesterday, I arrived to the temple of Demeter. Zephyr did join me to my surprise, and yes, joy. I have missed my friend and I think he did as well. He warmed me as we walked and I basked in his presence. We made good time and arrived to Demeter's temple about midday. He left me at the entrance and I walked inside.

I have never been more shocked in my life!

It looked more like a pig sty than a temple! The offerings split all over the ground and some of these tokens had been smashed to bits! According to the tipsy priestess that was there, it was always like this! And then this drunken fool tried to wander off only to fall over in a stupor.

I admit, my first thought was a bit shameful and foolish. I worried that the goddess would be so offended by the mess that she would not hear my prayers. Whether they are heard at all is debatable—I live each day wondering when divine retribution would come strike me down. My hus

Eros could have had me struck down awhile ago, so by some grace I live. But still, I believe and there I was in a holy place, surrounded by mess!

I did the only thing I could do—I began to tidy up. I might have been a princess that has been spoiled with servants to pick up after me, but I cannot abide by clutter. Besides, I was not going to stomp all the way home to pitch a fit about a filthy temple, at least not after a two day walk. So I did what I could. Some offerings were beyond saving but I tried to arrange everything in neat piles. Indeed, I think I did a pretty decent job considering it was just myself against mountains of mess. At least the floor was visible again.

Satisfied that I had done the best I could, I turned to pray to the statue of the agriculture goddess, only to find a mysterious woman standing in front of the altar. She was giving a curious look, half interested, half cautious. I'm afraid to admit, I didn't recognize her at first, since neither the statue behind her nor the statue at my home looked much like her, but I realized quickly who she was.

"Princess, you have my gratitude for tidying my temple," Demeter spoke softly.

I nearly crashed to my knees as I kneeled in respect. I think I amused her because I thought I heard the softest of chuckles before she walked over to me. "My goddess, I am honored and, and overjoyed to have you before me."

"I am sure," she replied. I started to worry I had offended her in some way. "Princess Psyche. Your disappearance caused quite a stir a few months ago, and yet here you are, back from the dead and praying in my temple. Quite a trick."

I guess that meant I intrigued her. I quickly explained that I had not disappeared; I had followed the order of Aphrodite to go and wait on a mountain for punishment. I didn't get to finish though.

"Aphrodite sent you to a mountain?" she asked. I dare say she was quite startled. "Aphrodite?"

I dare not raise my gaze. I might have been friends with Zephyr, married (once) to Eros, met Dionysius and Anteros but I lacked any courage against one of the Pantheon (well, one of them when I know who it is I was speaking to!). "The oracle said that I had angered her and that she wanted to punish me-"

"As I am quite aware. But Aphrodite would not have wasted time by sending you to some mountain."

I don't know quite what compelled me but all of a sudden, something snapped inside me and I began to sob and tell the whole thing. Of meeting Eros, my sister's visit, the worries, then my folly, and then my return. When I finished, I fell silent and wondered if she would strike me down on principle for my offenses against the gods. She was quiet for a long time as well then I saw that her feet were in front of me. I took a chance and looked up at her. She looked down upon me, distant and unreadable. Much like a mountain really.

"And now you are pregnant with his child and uncertain," she surmised for my present situation. I could only nod. "You should tell him. He is to be a father, and it is you who should tell him."

"How?" I sobbed. I hadn't the courage to even dare enter a temple to Aphrodite, let alone one to Eros.

"And you still elude Aphrodite's punishment," she went on. I realized she wasn't quite talking to me, merely thinking aloud. I remained quiet as she thought. Finally she tapped her chin and nodded. "You must first make peace with Aphrodite."

I yelped like I had been scalded but didn't argue.

"Win favor back with Aphrodite and repent at the same time," she advised, perhaps still musing. She made it sound so practical! "Besides, Eros hasn't been listening to any prayers lately…" Then she snapped her fingers. "So that's what been afflicting him! Well then," she turned back to me. "Go to Aphrodite's temple in the morning. It is a few hours walk from here in the chill but you'll make it in good time. Submit yourself to her will and succeed and maybe then you can ask for an audience with her son."

I could only stare. But who was I to refuse her? She might actually have the right idea! Before I could refute or thank her, she patted my head and smiled.

"You'll have a wonderful child," she said then added, "If you live long enough to give birth. Good luck, Princess, for you shall need it."

And with that she was gone as quickly as she appeared.

So, I wait until dawn to leave. The priestess finally awoke and was grateful that I had cleaned up. She shared some breakfast and now I shall finish writing to leave. I plan to tell Zephyr everything. And then I have to ask him to help me find Aphrodite's temple!

If there is a chance that I can see Eros, then I might have a chance to set some things right at least. The father of my child must know about it at least.

And now I leave for Aphrodite's help.

Oh, please, let this work!

**Later, well past midnight**

My hands have only just eased their quaking enough for me to write. Zephyr is trying to soothe me but I believe he agrees that this is an up-hill battle.

To tell the tale (I seem to be having too many of these tales all at once):

After leaving Demeter's temple, Zephyr led me to Aphrodite's, just as Demeter said, a few hours walk away. When we arrived, I paused to collect myself, and rub my smarting feet. It was freezing so I finally worked up the courage to get inside. I had to chant "for the baby" the entire way but I eventually came to the altar then kneeled down and began to pray.

Aphrodite, I suppose, has a flair for the dramatic in comparison to Demeter. As I prayed, the fires that were burning around the statue shot up nearly into towers. I stumbled back as the room wavered in the heat. Then the statue began to move. At first I mistook it for the haze but then the statue's stone became flesh and there stood the Goddess of Love herself. The grandmother to my child and my mother-in-law. My brothers-in-law make jokes about our mother but I do not believe I would ever say a joke about mine!

I gaped up in utter fear and shock and she glared at me. You have not seen a glare like the one she gave me. I was shocked I hadn't been incinerated on the spot. But that would have been too easy a death, I suppose. Then she stepped down to confront me while I lay shaking on the floor.

"So this is the Princess Psyche?" she sneered. For a Goddess of Beauty, I seem to have the special ability of ruining it because the look she gave me! I begin to shake more at the memory alone! I was too petrified to speak to say the least. "I hardly see what all the fuss was about. I must have deceived by the descriptions of your _beauty_." She practically spat it at me!

But while I think it could be debatable who's lovelier, I wasn't about to start that debate then! I finally found my voice. "Please forgive me, illustrious one," in my fear, I laid pleasantries on rather thick. 

I went on to beg for mercy. I could hardly string two words together but I threw myself at her mercy thinking all the while "For my child, for my child".

The begging and complimenting seem to please her, in hindsight. She didn't kill me on the spot at least. Finally I ran out of words, for I never was a woman of many anyway. My horror though, makes my next memories spotty but I clearly recall her saying that perhaps she could find it in her to forgive me. This led me to realize she wanted me to thank her so I did, profusely. She told me to wait while she thought of something "suitable" to do in repentance.

And so, here I am, still waiting. She has been gone for most the day, although I am not honestly sure what I've been doing in the hours in between. I have never been more scared in my life! And now I've resigned myself to her mercies? What have I done?!

All that keeps me sane is my chant. "For my child, for my child."

I wonder, however, if Aphrodite realizes my condition. Would she look less or more favorably on a woman carrying her grandchild?

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**22****nd**** day, evening**

I said I resigned myself to her mercies. If these are her mercies…I shiver to imagine her fury. She didn't return for a while after I wrote and when she did it was in a blaze of flame and light so powerful I had to shield my eyes from it. She began by saying that she had thought the whole thing over and that, yes, she could forgive me. If she thought I was properly repentant and sincere with my regrets!

Repentant! I should have tossed my writings at her so she could read them and maybe I wouldn't be in the mess I am now. You see, she decided to test how sorry I was. A then without a further ado, she tugged me over towards the temple's store house. Inside, everything was a mess; all the past offerings were tossed in a jumble about the room. Either the temples outside of my parents' city are all very messy, or she did this on purpose. Looking around, all I could think of was 'Does anyone around here know how to clean?'

She lifted her arm and swept in front of her, like I hadn't already seen the mess. I guess she was being dramatic because then she gave a pretty, but toothy grin. She said "I have heard you were quite helpful for my Dearest Cousin, Demeter," (Are they really cousins? If Aphrodite is born from the foam that formed after Uranus' manhood fell to the sea, and Demeter is the granddaughter of Uranus, wouldn't Aphrodite be her aunt? Ahh, I didn't spend enough attention on that part of the story!) "then perhaps you'll be able to assist me. You see, my priests here have been so busy, well, they just haven't had time to take the necessary care of my offerings! Be a dear and have this cleaned up by the time I get back in two hours. Maybe then I'll be sure of your repentance! I'll see you in two hours, dear!"

And then she vanished! I looked at the mess in the room and nearly gave up right then and there. A breeze slid past my ear and I knew Zephyr had heard everything. "O, my friend, what shall I do?"

He made no response but gently pushed me forward. I understood well enough. He wanted me to try at least. Dearest Zephyr, he has been my best companion since the start and even now he helps me! You see, he left quite suddenly, leaving me to my work.

I toiled away for some time, moving the large offerings aside. I was able to clear away the heaviest offerings but I saw that lentils and grains were spilled all over the floor! I'd never be able to sort that out! I almost lost hope but kept up my work, moving pottery and wine out of the way when I suddenly realized there were ants all over! I nearly shrieked but then I saw that the ants were sorting all the small grains and lentils.

"But how-?" I started but a gentle gust next to my ear played with my hair. I knew then that Zephyr had once again helped me. I began to cry from relief and tried to say how grateful I was but all he did was brush against me, drying my tears and nudging me back to work.

I know sit, finished with the dear help of my friend and the wonderful ants. I do not know where he even found ants in the middle of winter, but I owe him quite a bit now. I sit here awaiting Aphrodite's return with Zephyr laugh and "nuzzling" me as he reads too. I wonder what she will do when she sees my impossible task done and in under two hours.

I should name my child after Zephyr. I owe yo

He's laughing at me! Perhaps he thinks I shouldn't name my child after him?

One day, my friend, I must find a way to repay you.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**23****th**** day, afternoon**

Since I last wrote, again I was given another task and again I completed it with help. I had wondered what Aphrodite would do when she saw the task accomplished, idly picturing her displeasure. Displeasure is an understatement! She gave a look of barely contained contempt when she saw the storehouse tidied, making me cower at her feet. I tried to be most pious, telling her that it was only my devotion to her that enabled me to complete the task. A lie of course, but I didn't dare admit the help of the most generous ants and Zephyr because I feared she would punish them for helping.

She grudgingly acknowledged "my" work, but then she went on to say that she still was unsure of my faith and penitence! I nearly gaped at her. She said then she would need to me to complete another task. I only just contained my woe at the thought. Then she grabbed my arm and "brought" me here. I do not know how to properly describe the process of this "transportation" only that one moment 

I was there in the storehouse then next she and I were amidst a field of fresh green grass. I gaped at our surroundings and she mentioned that we were in a field far from the temple, my home, or even my parent's kingdom! Demeter allowed the surrounding fields here to flourish, why I do not know, but it was like summer and I ended up removing my shawl and cloak.

She then laid out my next task—collect wool from a flock of sheep. She said that she needed a new gown and need the wool. I admit I doubt she'd actually weave her own gown but this is what she said. She gave me until sunset to gather the wool and pointed out the sheep to me. They were in an opposite meadow, with only a shallow river separating the two fields. When I turned back, she was gone, and I was alone.

Well, I have always been fond of animals, sheep too. My sisters and I once had the sweetest little lamb. She was all white and had the softest fleece. She made terrible messes but we all loved her so. I thought of her as I looked at this flock in front of me. These were much bigger than my little lamb but I thought what harm could a sheep do?

I walked, certain I would be able to finish this task in a snap. Just before I could dip my foot in the river, a strong gust pushed me back. Zephyr had found me. I was so surprised by nearly being bowled over, I missed the river nymph rising up in front of me. She didn't try looking much like a real person, more like a figure of rushing water.

"Please, ma'am, you mustn't go any further!" she said.

"Why not?" I gaped at her.

"Because those sheep over there are infamous for being flesh eating monsters," she explains, oh so calmly. I nearly keeled over right there! Aphrodite would have had me killed if it weren't for Zephyr and this nymph. She went on to say that I should wait until noon, then the sheep would fall asleep and I would be able to gather the wool from them.

I admit, I pondered just admitting defeat but I remembered my child, Eros's child, and I knew I just had to do this. I owe him, I must talk to him, if only for a moment. I won't even beg forgiveness only pity for our child.

I sat and waited with the nymph and Zephyr until the sheep finally fell asleep. I then crossed the river and gather all the wool I could from the surrounding thicket and trees. I feared there wouldn't be enough. Indeed there wasn't. There was only one thing I could do. I crept over to the sheep on the outside of the circle of sheep and used my knife to quickly sheer off what I could. Those sheep will have some unusual bald spots for awhile but my task is done!

I wait now with Zephyr and the nymph until Aphrodite arrives.

How many more tasks will she assign me? I fear that she may give me many more tasks—Hera gave Heracles 12 great labors and all he did wrong was be born! I disobeyed and betrayed a _god_. I 

deserve a thousand tasks but I don't know how many I can ever finish, so far I've relied on Zephyr and other's help. What will happen next? How much more help will I get? I worry so.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**26****th**** day, evening**

My next task is decided. I must go to the Iron Queen and beg off some beauty for her.

When Aphrodite appeared she said that her beauty has suffered recently, because she has been taking care of her ailing son. I crumpled to the ground like I was struck.

What shall I do? Aphrodite smirked and said I can take all the time in the world to finish this task. She knows I cannot succeed and she is right!

What shall I do?

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**28****th**** day, morning**

I have talked with Zephyr but there is no time to write. I must go now. He knows a way to complete my task without endangering me and my child. He has never failed me before, so I shall trust him now.

Oh, please, let this work! Demeter, Dionysius, please, help me!

Dearest. Please, let this work.

**Eighth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**29****th**** day, time: ?? (I cannot tell)**

I am in the Underworld, sitting in the boat of Charon as he ferries me to the palace of this dark kingdom. But first, I must write down everything, it seems too unreal at the moment.

Zephyr spoke to me (imagine my shock) yesterday morning as I despaired. He shook me softly to draw my attention and then:

"Do you still mean to complete this task?"

In my shock, my jaw fell open and I couldn't respond until he shook me again. "Yes," I said finally.

"You cannot let Eros go? Even for your own health and happiness?"

I nodded.

He was quiet for sometime and then he said "The come with me."

He spared me a moment to write and then we were off. I began to walk but then he actually picked me up and carried me on the wind until we came to a large cave. It looked more like a gash in the mountain's side. He gave me some honey cakes and a few coins. "Feed the cakes to Cerberus. Use the coins for Charon. Do not speak to any spirit, no matter what tricks they use, show them no mercy. Above all, do NOT eat any food, drink, or sit at the table of Persephone."

I was so surprised I could barely string my words together as I accepted his advice. It was so strange. I am still not used to this thought of my friend talking. He is a god but…I am not sure.

I looked into the cavern. It went deep and it was full of shadows. It is odd to think that there are entrances to the Underworld in the living realm, but there I stood at the opening of one. So many strange things have happened recently, I thought I'm actually starting to numb to everything. But then something more shocking happened and I forgot that theory all together.

I turned, to thank Zephyr for all his help, but to my shock there was a man behind me. Taller than me, blond, and striking looking. Not as devastatingly handsome as Eros but I know looking at him that he was without a doubt a god. I was so shocked I didn't even move as this man gently tucked a lock of hair behind my hair. And then he kissed me. "Good luck, dear heart," he said then disappeared.

I still do not know what to make of it all. I believe without a doubt that it was Zephyr but I am still shocked by it all.

I recovered my wits, the few I have left, and began the long descent into the Underworld. I cannot speak of the many spirits I saw, instead all I shall say is this: there were numerous, and begged constantly for any aid. They even used the forms of those I love. The pain and horror I felt, and yet still feel, grew with every specter I saw. I could not help any of them, and it pained me to fail them when some asked for the smallest of things.

I finally came to the end of the passageway, and came to be what I at first took for a small pond. Before I stepped in it, however, I smelt a most odious stench on the air and paused. It was a good thing I did, for when I glanced back, a few stones that I had kicked up scattered across the ground and landed in the pond. When they hit, tiny puffs of smoke went up as they vanished. It was not water but acid! In my surprise, I cried out. The noise roused something in the shadows and I saw but for a moment the hind leg of a massive beast moving in the shadows.

Cerberus, the watchdog of the Underworld, was in front of me, and the small pond of acid must have been the drippings of his corrosive saliva. Remembering Zephyr's advice, I tossed the honey cakes towards him. I heard him catch them out of the air with three loud chomps and I hurried across as he ate.

Thankfully I did not have to go much further. A short distance away, the passage opened into the largest cavern I have ever seen. Perhaps it is the largest in the entire world. The river Styx laid before me and there I saw Charon, the ferryman, sitting in his boat, ignoring the souls without money that were trying to convince him to take them across. Charon is a…fearsome sight. I have heard told that he is naught but a skeleton, or a giant, but he is merely an old bent man with milky eyes. But with one glance, I shivered in fright.

When I walked up, Charon took no notice. I had to shake the coins in my hand for him to hear me. When I did, he didn't even glance up, merely held out his hand. I dropped the money in, got into the boat, and sat down as he shoved off from the shore. And now here I sit, writing as I wait.

I wonder what the Bride of Hades will be like. Her name is taboo, to say it brings bad luck, just as her husband's does. And now I shall meet her and beg for her to give me beauty for Aphrodite.

All this for forgiveness from a goddess that hates me, for a god that I wronged, for my child not yet born. I only pray that this suffering I undergo will be able to aid my child in someway, make up for my foolishness for he or she.

Oh, please, courage do not desert me now!

**Ninth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**2****nd**** day, afternoon**

The trip through the Underworld is complete; at the moment, I'm resting at the foot of the mountain where I entered the Underworld, waiting to see if Zephyr will return or if I should start walking. The rest of my journey in the kingdom of Dark King and Queen was the most incredible task and I would have written sooner, but I needed to get as far from the entrance to that dark realm as soon as humanly possible and only now have I stopped to rest.

To pick up where I last left off, Charon ferried me across the Styx to the bank on the far side. When I asked where the palace was, he pointed up through the mist which swirled up from the river. Even with his milky eyes, he could see the palace better than I, so I could only vaguely guess to where the castle truly stood. I nodded my thanks but he had already shoved off so I doubt he saw the gesture. With nothing else to do but try to follow his direction, I took off through the mist.

Because of the mist, I could scarcely see what the lands were actually like but I do remember seeing long grass at either side of the path I walked, vague tree forms, and I smelled a most curious mint scent permeating the mist. The path that I walked on was a twisting one, but I was too scared to deviate from it and it always twisted back into my original direction. As I walked, I noticed everything was curiously silent, and for a moment I entertained the thought that perhaps the entire Underworld was empty save for me. But I had barely finished the thought before a figure appeared, running at me. I nearly screamed but then the figure raced straight past me and I saw that it was a woman, barely older than myself. She looked desperately harried and carried a pot riddled with holes.

I stood stock still for a few moments before I glanced back but she had already vanished. I could scarcely breathe, but then I began to worry that the frightful apparition might return so I hurried on my way. I kept up a fast pace until I abruptly broke free of the mist. I was so surprised I staggered but caught myself before I crashed to the ground. I found myself in a large courtyard and before me was a castle that dwarfed my parents' home many times over. It was so massive and towering; I wondered how the mist could have hidden it. My courage left me for a moment, but then I forced myself forward.

There were no guards or sentries, at least no visible ones. As I walked through the black marble halls with their faraway ceilings, I saw there were no servants walking about either. I could hear no chatter or stirring. It felt, (appropriately? Strangely?), like walking in a tomb. My own footsteps were the only sound as I wandered about, trying to find my way the throne room or the main hall. I was beginning to feel quite lost when I stumbled across the largest pair of doors I've ever run across. I hesitated for a moment (for in this room could be the Lord and Lady of the Dead themselves) but I finally managed to lift my hand to knock at the door since I could find no servant to announce me.

There was a long pause but then the doors swung up, making me jump, and I saw inside. The room had black marble floors but the walls and columns were white with black jetting through it. It was actually surprisingly small room, considering the massive doors. Inside was a man in black, sitting at a desk with pen and paper, looking up at me curiously. He lounged in a chair, a papyrus scroll spilling over his lap and to the floor. His looks were striking: he had black hair but there were two stripes of white at his temples, a trimmed beard that left his cheeks bare, and the softest grey eyes I have ever seen. He was unadorned with trinkets and by the ink staining his fingers, I at first took him to be a scribe.

I presented him with the box that Aphrodite had left me to hold the Iron Queen's beauty. "I come in the name of my glorious lady, Aphrodite, goddess of love and beauty." It was the first thing that came to mind and I stood there dumb, trying to think of something more when the man raised a brow at me. "I must speak with her lady, the Queen."

He frowned slightly at me, I almost thought that maybe he didn't speak the same language as me. "She is unavailable," he stated finally, after a long pause.

After the long trip just to reach her, I was not to be dissuaded, not by a scribe at least. "It's urgent."

He frowned a bit more. "Can't you see?"

Now I frowned. "See what?"

"The mist. Persephone can't sleep unless the mist is covering…Aphrodite didn't tell you, did she." It was not a question. He looked somewhat disappointed, or perhaps disturbed.

"Oh," was all I could muster, feeling sheepish. I shifted warily and nodded. "I was just…told to come here." I began to feel even more uncomfortable with this man who referred to Aphrodite without proper titles and the unspoken message that he was familiar with the love goddess.

He studied me a long while. "You're being punished, aren't you?"

I gaped at him. I do not know if Aphrodite has the power to hear me there, but I wasn't about to take the chance. I refute this but he merely sighed and shifted in his chair.

"Why do the others _always_ send the ones they want to punish here?" he grumbled. He didn't seem to expect a response so I gave none. Not that I could form a proper response anyway. Finally, he made a twisting gesture and a goblet of wine appeared in his hands. "Despite that, you're just going to have to wait; she'll wake up in a bit."

I stood there, staring, at a loss. It wasn't like I could just demand him to go wake the queen—I doubted she would take mercy on anyone bumbling about to wake her up, what with all the stories I've heard of her and her husband. He took a drink then frowned when he saw I was just standing there. "Would you like a seat?"

I nearly said yes, when I suddenly remembered Zephyr's warning. "Oh, n-no, that's quite fine!"

His face darkened fearsomely for a moment then he rolled his eyes agitatedly. "Oh for love—ever since _that_ _woman_ started those rumors, I haven't been able to be a proper host-"

Suddenly, a side door opened in popped the head and shoulders of one of the most exquisitely beautiful young men I have ever seen. He was fair of hair and skin with pale green eyes. This youth smiled at the dark man. "Father," he began, "mother's up. She's says you can remove the mists now." He paused for a minute to study this man he called father. "Have you been bullying another guest again?"

"I am not bullying anyone," he sniffed. I stared at them and their strange conversation. "I was just trying to keep her from waking up-"

"Why were you shouting?" asked a voice from behind the boy. The young man hopped into the room and in walked a rather stately woman in deep color caught between orchid and violet. She had softest color of brown hair, wide violet eyes, and a luscious pink mouth. Unlike either of the unadorned men, she had a collection of bracelets on one arm, a silver necklace with large oval onyx stones, and circlet of bejeweled flowers in amethysts. She glanced amusedly at me then back to the dark man. "You were being a bully, weren't you?"

He tossed his hands up in the air and the boy smothered some laughter. "I am not. Guest to see you, my lady," he said, standing up, the scroll disappearing. "Psyche, if I remember right."

I gaped at them all, the knowledge of who they were slowly dawning on me. The younger man and woman, no doubt Persephone, Queen of the Dead, looked expectantly at me. At an utter loss, I held the lacquered box up.

"Aphrodite's making trouble again," the man huffed.

The woman gave him a steady look. "Don't be harsh. We owe her part of our happiness, my lord."

You have no idea how _bizarre_ it is to see the Lord of the Dead _pout_. For no doubt, the man had to be Hades. I suddenly sank to the floor in shock. They all glanced at me in moderate confusion.

"I think she's overwhelmed," the still unnamed boy announced.

Hades stared at him sternly to little effect as he said the obvious. He nodded to his wife. "I believe one of the sitting rooms would be a more appropriate place for this, my lady."

She nodded in return. "You're right of course," she agreed then turned to me with one of the sweetest, gentlest smiles I have ever seen in my life. "Come along, dear Psyche. Let's see what we can do for you." She took my arm and gently tucked it into the crook of her arm and led me out. As we left, I faintly heard the boy turn to Hades to ask "who was that again?"

I'm afraid it really had been one shock to many, for she had to nearly carry me to the nearest sitting room. I sat rather ungracefully to her amusement before she sat across from me. I nearly bolted upright when I suddenly realized I had accepted a seat but Persephone waved a hand at me gently, smiling.

"Don't worry, your highness," she said, making a twisting gesture and a goblet of wine appeared in her hands. "This isn't one of the chairs you have to worry about—that's only at the dining table. And you only have to worry about that if you're a trouble maker-" she paused before she took a sip to smile mischievously at me. "Although Aphrodite would probably say you are, right?"

I'm afraid my sense of humor must have been left behind with the rest of my wits because all I could was mutely nod.

She frowned and put her glass down. "Now then, what errand has the Goddess of Beauty set you on?"

I remembered to present the box to her. "My lady has sent me to ask if you would give some of your beauty to her."

Her lips quirked up but her eye brows went downward. "Why would—oh, I see," she said, shaking her head. "She just wanted to scare you, darling. I doubt she actually thought you'd do the task."

I gaped at her. "Are you sure she just didn't want me to die?" I blurted then slapped my impertinent mouth in horror.

Persephone laughed. "Or that. Aphrodite doesn't like to be spited, what with you capturing the attention of nearly every man and then worshiping you instead," she shrugged. "Aphrodite's what you call a 'jealous lover' and she hates being showed up, especially by a 'mere mortal."

To my horror, I began to cry. "But, I hadn't meant to!"

Persephone blinked taken aback by my outburst but I didn't have time to take in her reaction for long before I succumbed to my own tears and buried my face into my hands. All the fears and sorrows that have been building up in me and I found myself confessing everything to this lighthearted queen like I had to her own mother. I left no detail out, compelled for some reason to just _tell_ someone everything. For awhile, all I could do was sob but after a bit I realized that someone was making soothing noises and gently petting my hair. I realized then that it was Persephone trying to calm me. I quieted quickly in embarrassment and buried my face back into my palms. I let her make calming noises to me before she gently pried my hands away.

She petted my face, wiping away my tears and smiled so sweetly at me. "Feel better?" she asked when I finished and I nodded quietly. "Been holding that in for awhile, haven't you?" I nodded again. She patted my cheek. "Poor dear, no wonder you look so depressed. Well, don't worry," she said, letting go and grabbing the box. She winked at me. "I'll make sure you won't fail then."

Before I could say anything, she closed her eyes and the box glowed. After a moment, it stopped and she sat the box back down, but I could see no change in her radiance. She handed it back to me and smiled. I stared at her for a moment before I opened my dry lips. "How?"

She cocked her head to the side, like a curious cat. "How do I what, princess?"

"How do you…" I grasped for a word that could properly explain what I wanted to ask. "…deal with …everything?"

She hummed thoughtfully and took a sip from her goblet. "With what, juggling two homes and families? With my duties and my wishes?" she paused and stared back at me. "I'm not quite sure at times. I do what I can and then rely on my family and friends to help me with the rest I suppose. Hades helps me to govern, mother makes sure I don't run myself ragged, Adonis and my children keep me jovial-"

"No, I mean-" I started then paled when I realized how rudely I had just interrupted her.

She frowned at my fear. "…how do I deal with missing my mother? Or my husband? Or Adonis when he returns to Aphrodite? With having been used as a bargaining chip and prize between my parents and husband?" she sighed and took another drink. "I _deal with it_ one day at a time. I wish my mother and husband could get along better, but then, they have learned to tolerate each other more. Adonis writes me once in every few weeks. I don't try to fixate on my troubles unless to try and fix them, otherwise it's really just an exercise in futility."

I could only stare at her. She stared back at me.

"I love my husband, you know," she said suddenly. "But when I return to my mother, I enjoy seeing her. I've learned to focus on my happiness while it exists. I love my husband, and I love my 

mother, but I can't let sorrow ruin my happiness with either of them." She patted my hand. "You'll learn how to too."

I blinked as she stood before accepting the hand she presented to me. She pressed her lips against my forehead and patted my cheek before handing me the box again. "What if I never do see him again?"

She paused and gripped my shoulders, smiling at me. "Don't doubt yourself," she said firmly. Then she let go. "And don't open that box."

I blinked at her abrupt command, but at that moment there was a knock at the door and young boy, Adonis I believe, looked in. "Princess Psyche?"

I nodded, warily. "Yes, my lord?"

He smiled and stepped in. To my surprise, a young boy, scarcely bigger than a toddler, rested on his hip. The child reached out immediately for Persephone whom swept him up into her arms. I was distracted by them for a moment before I realized Adonis had walked over to me. Before I could ask if there was something I could do for him, he presented me with a flower. This was no regular flower though, like Persephone's circlet it was a bejeweled blossom, a dark anemone. I blinked and hesitantly took it.

"That's not for you by the way," he said. "You'll know who it's for later." He grinned mysteriously at me while Persephone nodded approvingly, bouncing her son on her hip.

"Adonis, dear, take Ploutus to Hades, won't you?" she asked, handing her son back Adonis who quickly disappeared with one last smile. She then turned back to me. "Ready to go then, dear princess?"

I gaped at her, still confused with the 'gift' that Adonis had given me. I nodded finally, tucking the blossom into my sash. "Thank you for everything, my lady," I bowed to her and made to leave before she laughed at me.

"Oh, darling, there's a much faster way," she giggled. Before I could ask, she tapped my forehead and I felt myself be swallowed by shadows and the fragrance of flower petals. "Good luck," I heard her voice echo as I appeared at the entrance back on the mountain side. Confused and shaken, I stumbled away quickly.

It is late now. I shall lie down for now, but if Zephyr does not return by the morning, I will have to walk back to the temple I suppose.

Not many people can claim to enter the Underworld, and I am probably the most fortunate. I have accomplished my task and more. Although I was plagued by confusion while I was there, I think I am beginning to understand some things.

Not that I understand Adonis's gift or Persephone's command. Why should I not open the box? Would I get in more trouble if I did? Honestly, I could probably use the beauty more, considering how 

haggard I've felt lately. Would it be that bad? I can hardly contain myself. I hope Zephyr arrives soon, I don't know if I could make it all the way back without opening the box.

**Ninth Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**3****rd**** day, morning**

No sign of Zephyr, so I shall set out on my own. Oh well, I guess I shall see my friend sooner or later.

I must admit—I'm having trouble containing my curiosity around the box. I wonder what real beauty looks like when not on the face of a god. Would Aphrodite notice if I peeked?

This shall be a long walk back to the temple. I only pray that this might be the last of my trials, seeing as I can't see her making up a more difficult task. If this may truly grant her forgiveness, I should try and think of what I should say to Eros. I need to see him, I need to explain, at least for this child's sake. But even if I don't see him, all I can ask for now is the safety and health of this child. I could always return to my parents, but more important to me is my baby.

Eros. Husband. May we see each other soon; despite all the lies and misunderstandings, the time I spent with you is the happiest in my life. This child I bear is my greatest hope. Please, darling, look after our child.


	8. First Month after the New Year

**First Lunar Cycle after the New Year**

**27****th**** day, afternoon**

It has been a great while since I last wrote and many things have happened since, which I plan to put to word before my memories disappear like a mist into these golden days. I must write now, while the memory is still fresh in my mind.

Zephyr never did come—I found out later that he got caught up with some business with Apollo and a youth that I'm not quite sure I understand—so I eventually started back to Aphrodite's temple the long way. The distance was great and after all that had happened, I wore out quickly and had to rest frequently. At one point, I rested near a stream; when I went to take a drink of the fresh water, I was horrified to see my face.

During my time in the Underworld, my youth must have been sapped because when I looked in the water, my face was wrinkled and my body decrepit. I had been wandering around in a dazed like state since I left the Underworld, I never noticed my premature aging. To my shame, as I looked upon my reflection I began to cry. I slapped my hands into the water to destroy the image but even with it gone, the memory of it haunted me. I stumbled away from the stream and began to sob, some part of me was still vain enough to think I could have won my husband back with my beauty and that part ached with the horror of my visage.

I'm not aware how long I sat there sobbing but sometime during my crying, I was struck by a sudden and foolish idea. I did have a box of beauty, did I not? And surely if I only took a tiny bit Aphrodite would not notice, would she not? The idea made perfect sense to me at that moment; I crawled over the box excitedly but when I went to reach for the box I paused.

If using a candle to see my husband's face was foolish, stealing beauty from the Goddess of Beauty and Pleasure was the peak of idiocy. But, a vain part of me raged, she didn't really need it did she? I could use it to restore my beauty and try to win Eros's favor back!

I trembled as the two ideas tumbled about in mind, spinning in fast circles. One moment, I moved to open the box, the next I pulled back. I was hardly aware of myself; tears streaming down my face still as my fingertips haltingly touched the lid of the box. I imagined myself shaking to pieces before I could to a decision. Without quite realizing what I was doing, I lifted the lid just a hair when suddenly a hand reached out and pressed the lid back down firmly.

I stared in muted shock at the hand, wondering where it had come from. Finally I hazard a glance up to see Eros crouching across from me, face blank, with his hand still pressing down as if to further discourage me from opening the container.

"Psyche," he said, "if you were to ever listen to anything I say, then listen now and don't open it."

I stared at him and him at me for a long time. I was a crying, quaking mess and my tears began to shed anew. I buried my face in my hands not to hide my tears but to conceal my aged features. I felt his hands on my, tugging gently but still I couldn't bear for him to look at me in my changed state. I wished to disappear. I completely forgot about telling him of my pregnancy, of apologizing to him.

Finally, he managed to pull one of my hands away and I felt him rub it gently. I stopped my crying for a moment to look up at my hand in his. Where his fingers massaged my skin, the flesh grew young and supple again. He ran his hand up my arm and it too de-aged before my eyes. He removed my other hand and did the same to it. I began to cry again, this time from relief and gratitude, and he soothed my face and brushed his hands over my hair.

His hands danced over my skin, pushing aside my clothes to reach the withered skin beneath. He and I kissed and for a moment it was as if the past months had been nothing but a nightmare that I was finally awakening from. And then his hands paused over my abdomen and I flinched in fear. He looked puzzled then glanced up at me.

"It's yours," I blurted and I blushed as his eyes went wide with understanding. I began to explain, the words tumbling from my mouth rapidly as I told him everything. I was halfway through explaining about my trek through the Underworld when he pressed his mouth against mine to silence me. Grateful for the reprieve, I wrapped my arms around his neck and clung to him for a long while.

I heard him murmuring soft words, apologies I believe, and soft "my child, our child" over and over; nearly a lullaby that soothed me in ways his hands could not. I answered with apologies of my own.

Despite the chill and the frozen ground, I nearly burned as he moved above me. After we were both spent, I curled close to his side and he reached back to me. We slept for sometime, curled around each other, until my eyes finally fluttered back open. I sat up in a haze and realized that somehow the tree above us had fresh green leaves. Unsure of how this had happened but not particularly caring, I turned my gaze back to my husband's slumbering face. I grew chilled quickly in the open air so I returned to his embrace. My movements, however, woke him and he stretched sleepily. I thought of all the times I had missed this, him awakening like a comfortable cat, and regretted it for a moment before he kissed me.

"Morning," he greeted me and I fought not to giggle at him.

"Evening, actually," I corrected him, pointing up toward the dimming sky.

He glanced up and shrugged. "Wakening up to your face makes it a glorious morning for me," he said mischievously.

I blushed despite the fact he had said similar things to me before, but that was months ago and I was still so caught up in his presence to do otherwise. We spoke for a bit, the exact words escape me now, but I remember they were affectionate apologies and forgiving words. Finally, we dressed although I quickly let myself get swept up into his arms.

"What should we do with the box?" I asked.

"Don't bother with it—Persephone put a stygian sleep in there," he explained.

I stared with horrified eyes. To think that I nearly opened it…no wonder she told me not to open it!

"And now, I think it's time for us to go home," he said. My heart nearly skipped a beat when I thought longing of our home. How I had missed it and the friends I had made there. "But first, we must make a stop somewhere else—you don't mind, do you?"

Still a little swept away by my great fortune, I shook my head in unconcerned delight.

"Good, now hold on, dear heart," he commanded and I saw why in a moment—a pair of magnificent golden wings sprung from his shoulder blades to my awe. Without wasting another moment, he jumped into the air and took off. I was so surprised, I buried my face into his shoulder. Only when he at last stopped and set me down did I dare glance around. When I did I was saw the most amazing room I had ever seen, more spectacular and majestic than even my parents' throne room. And as it turned out, it was a throne room—the throne room of Zeus and Hera! I am surprised I didn't keel over in shock.

Shock, however, keeps the next memories blurry and next I remember, Eros just finished his plea to Zeus to make me immortal when Aphrodite appeared to argue against it. She was furious and tried to insist I had failed anyway, and insulted her and her family. To which Eros pointed as his wife, I was family. I'm afraid I stood there something of a lump while they argued back and forth until Zeus himself spoke.

It is no wonder Zeus is King of the gods, and it shows in his voice which is as powerful and booming as the thunder he creates. Only fear of drawing (more) attention to myself kept me from cowering behind my husband. "I have listened to both sides of this argument and come to my decision," he announced. "Since I have seen the despair of mortals that afflicted due to Eros sorrows, I declare that Psyche should become one of us."

I was too stunned to say much though I remember Eros's joy along with the pleased cheers or the other gods that had gathered there. Aphrodite, however, looked furious and when I looked upon, I felt the most curious burning sensation coming from my sash. I gaped down at it and carefully pulled out Adonis's flower. Looking back at the furious but puzzled Love Goddess, I understood what he had meant when he gave it to me. I presented it to her and said it was his gift.

She went very quiet. "Oh," she said finally and took the jewel blossom from my fingers delicately cradling it in her hands. She gazed down with silent pleasure before she looked back up at me and coughed uncomfortably. She looked between me and my husband before she finally sighed. "Oh, knowing that you'd never forgive me if I didn't," she addressed me and Eros, "you may have my blessing."

My memories become a blur of golden light and remembered dancing before clearing at my drinking from Hebe's cup of ambrosia, turning me immortal. I hazily remember pausing from dancing to sit next to Eros to watch as his, now our, mother dance.

After all the celebrations, I next remember falling gratefully asleep next to Eros in our old bed, although, I don't quite remember getting home in and of itself. We didn't leave our bed for a few days afterward actually.

Aphrodite eventually dropped by and convinced us to let her plan a grand wedding ceremony. In all our time together, I finally realized that we had never actually exchanged the marriage vows so I agreed. It took some time to talk Eros into it but he finally agreed. Before she left, I managed to remember to tell Aphrodite of mine and Eros's child. She was ecstatic and then began to assail me with questions and suggestions for the baby. It took longer getting her to leave then it did to convince Eros to take our vows!

We did take our vows eventually; Aphrodite spared no expense and had half of Mount Olympus decorated for the occasion. Gods that I didn't even know of came, all bearing good tidings for us. Hera stood present and bound us together in matrimony.

Since I came to live here with my husband, many things of happened and I regret not taking the time to write them down. In fact, it was only recently that I remembered my old writing and decided to record the events so far. However, I have left out the most recent event, and after I finish writing of it, I plan to put my pen and tablet away for now.

Just a few days ago, I had been sitting beneath a grand tree behind our home when I felt an ache form in my lower back. I brushed it aside at first for just sitting in an uncomfortable position but then the pain persisted for some time and I had the most curious feeling. As if I had wet myself actually. A little shocked, I moved to get up only to feel the pain double. I groaned and rested against the tree. Zephyr, my ever faithful friend, appeared at my side with a worried expression and I asked him to get Eros.

Eros arrived quickly and brought me in, constantly asking if it was time. I had entered my ninth month sometime ago and while I knew the baby was due at any time, I wasn't quite prepared for it at the moment. Eros helped me to our bed and sent for Aphrodite and Eileithyia, the child birthing goddess, in case it was time. By the time they came, I was dead certain it was time for what else could hurt so intensely?

I labored for some many hours, I forgotten how much. The ordeal remains a blur of pain and I'm afraid I might have said some rather unkind things about my husband and anyone present or not. Finally, I heard the cry of my child and the pain ceased. I impatiently waited to see my child but first Eileithyia cleaned my babe and then handed her to me.

That first sight of my daughter made any memory of the pain I had just gone through vanish in an instant. I stared in wonder at my beautiful light girl. She had thin wisps of my dark hair but I can make 

out her father's nose and brow. I cradled my child to my breast while Aphrodite sent for Eros. When my husband arrived, worry still etched on his face, he paused before walking over with wide eyes as he gazed at our daughter. He shared my awe of her and crawled in bed next to me to wonderingly gaze at her.

We have decided to name her Hedone. She fills me in awe still, whenever I cradle her I feel as if I hold the greatest treasure in all the cosmos.

_Funny thing that. I feel it too._

Still writing on my tablet, husband?

_As if I could resist. And Hedone's hungry again._

I just fed her! She takes after your appetite, I swear.

_Admit it, you don't mind that much._

You try having her nipping at your breast and we'll see how you like it.

_I'd rather nip at your breast._

You're incorrigible.

_You love me, I know you do._

* * *

The pen clattered to the floor and the tablet slid off Psyche's lap as she slipped onto her back as Eros kissed her. For a moment, they forgot Hedone's hungry cries and basked in each other's warmth. Psyche giggled as he nibbled on her ear.

"You're such a pest," she teased.

He smirked and kissed her. "You love it though."

She smiled softly. "I do," she whispered pulling him closer.

Suddenly, Hedone's cries reached a fevered pitch and the two parents sighed. "Feeding time," Eros grumbled. "I'll go get her."

"Thank you," she sighed as he left. She remained laying backward on the couch before smiling to herself. For one moment, with her husband and babe in another room and the sunlight warming her, the room was cast in a golden glow. For one moment, everything was perfectly right in her world.


End file.
